About A Girl

"David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished."

                                          - 1 Chronicles 28:20

Vocation originally meant "spiritual calling". My Random House dictionary includes this definition, "a function to which one is called by God". (Tom Felten, Our Daily Journey)

WOW! ang sarap pakinggan non! …a function to which one is called by God… ang sarap pakinggan!

God has given you the ability to be skilled in your work. Leave confusion behind and simply do your best in your vocation. It’s a sacred calling and a gift from God.

                                                            - Tom Felten

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

                                        - Isaiah 40:29-31

GOD HELPS US SOAR AS WE TRUST IN HIM ONCE MORE.

"The only thing that is hindering us from fulfilling God’s purpose for us is our FEAR." - Beth Moore (@Life Today)

"You CAN make it!" - Dr. Jim Cecy (@ Sunday Worship)

"DO NOT BE AFRAID." - Joshua 1:9

"Nagpaparinig ka na ba God?" - sabi ko

Kahapon, nanood ako sa cable ng Life Today. Speaker nila dun si Beth Moore. Dun ko rin narinig yung "The only thing that is hindering us from fulfilling God’s purpose is our fear." Hindi dahil kulang ka sa talento. Hindi dahil hindi ka magaling. Hindi dahil kulang ka sa grasya. Kundi dahil takot ka.

Halos dalawang buwan na lang, magboboard exam na ako. Kailangan kasi yun para mabigyan ng lisensya ang mga med tech, at syempre para makapagtrabaho. Kahapon, parang ayokong pumunta ng school kasi a) tinatamad ako at b) ayokong kunin ang mga requirements ko. Natatakot akong pag kumuha na ko ng requirements at nagpasa ng mga ito sa PRC, hindi na ko pwedeng umatras pa. Natatakot akong bumagsak.

Kani-kanina lang, may ibang kahulugan na naman ang mga salitang yan para sa akin. Dati kasi lagi akong sinasabihan na "Mag-aral ka ulit para maging doktor", na sinasagot ko naman ng "Ayoko." Bakit ayaw ko? Dahil natatakot ako. Natatakot akong baka maging isang pag-aaksaya lamang ng pera ang gagawin kong pagpasok sa med school. Natatakot akong baka katamaran ko lang ang pag-aaral ulit at basta na lamang itapon ang lahat ng nasimulan. Natatakot ako sa sasabihin ng iba pag hindi ako naging magaling na doktor. Natatakot akong matali na lang sa pagtatrabaho. Natatakot akong mamatayan ng pasyente at mas lalo pa ang makapatay ng pasyente. Natatakot akong magkamali. Natatakot akong pumalpak. Natatakot ako.

Ngayon, kinikiliti na naman ng ideyang med school ang utak ko. Nangungulit na naman. Kinakausap mo na ba ako, God? O matagal mo na siguro akong kinakausap pero masyado lang talaga akong naging bingi?

Hindi ko pa rin alam hanggang ngayon kung anong gagawin ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba talagang papel ang gagampanan ko. Bakit ba ako nandito?

Hindi lang naman ito ang mga bagay na kinatatakutan ko. Pero ano nga bang ikinakatakot ko? May nangako sa akin na hindi ako iiwan, na mamahalin ako kahit anong mangyari. At Siya rin naman ang dahilan kung bakit ako umaasa sa bukas, sa muling pagkikita. At Siya rin naman ang nagbibigay sa akin ng dahilan para huminga ng huminga, kahit nakakapagod na minsan. At bakit ako matatakot?

bakit nga ba?

"…One person can make a difference. Our choices can influence the decisions others make. And our courage to make good choices will encourage others to do the same." - Julie Ackerman Link

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

                                                     - Hebrews 10:23-25

"Nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could so somewhere in my youth or childhood, i must have done something good."

In this life, i’ve spent most of my time trying to please other people. I used to think that by pleasing the people around me, they would appreciate and love me. Never mind if i tend to move away from the real me. Never mind if they wouldn’t know who i really am. Just so long as they’d love me.

I’m so grateful to God that in His presence, i wouldn’t have to pretend. I do not have to do anything to please Him. He loves me so much that even if i have sinned against Him, He is still willing to have me back. I’ve fallen short in His glory but still He sent His Son to me so that i would have eternal life.

He sees through me. He sees my heart. He knows me more than I know myself. I wouldn’t have to do anything to please Him because He has given me so much love already. I’m just so happy to know that there is Someone who loves me for who I am and now i know i wouldn’t have to go on pretending, pleasing everyone just to gain acceptance because though undeserved He still took me in His loving arms. Ganon ako kamahal ni God. Ganon TAYO kamahal ni God.   

time lost is time wasted…

.

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don’t need
And what I chased won’t set me free
And I get scared but I’m not crawlin’ on my knees

…Everything’s all wrong, yeah…

And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don’t feel
I’m killing myself from the inside out
And now my head’s been filled with doubt

Oh, yeah
It’s easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?

…And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me…

Cobain, like Lennon, was a cultural icon (the kind of guy whose face you can put on a T-shirt). Where Lennon defined the 60s and 70s, Cobain towered over the 90s. If we’re talking about the power of music to express reality then Cobain was certainly a master. I’ve always felt that music is art only insofar as it says something that matters. And Cobain was always saying something important, connecting with an audience that could share in his frustration, sadness, pain, and alienation. The same cannot be said for most musicians today. Most music today doesn’t aspire to anything greater than itself. It is simply sound with the trappings of musical pretense but that doesn’t change the fact that it is still just that – sound.

And, yes, alienation is political. The fact that Kurt Cobain could kill himself when he was at the height of his talents should make us wonder. What is it about the society we live in which makes it so spiritually and personally unfulfilling that people feel a need to withdraw from society, medicate themselves into emotional numbness, and in some cases, take their own lives ?

In Nirvana’s music, there was an overwhelming sense that, for Cobain, something wasn’t quite right. Something didn’t make sense. The world around him was screwed up. And in the music, we get a sense of the powerlessness he must have felt in having to face such a world. Because of the irrevocable conflict inside of him, Cobain, like so many other tormented geniuses, was able to create art that was beautiful, uplifting and downright depressing all at once. Cobain’s music spoke to millions who felt the disconnect and confusion that colors and pervades our existence in an imperfect world. That is why Kurt Cobain mattered. And that is why he still does.

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nakakadepress… parang gusto kong umiyak. dati, hindi ko kilala si Kurt Cobain. pero narinig ko yung Lithium. sobrang thank you Kurt Cobain. nalulungkot ako na ewan. hindi ko maipaliwanag ng maayos yung kaguluhang nararamdaman ng kalooban ko. ewan… ewan…

"I’m so happy. Cause today I found my friends. They’re in my head. I’m so ugly. But that’s ok. ‘Cause so are you. We’ve broke our mirrors. Sunday morning. Is everyday for all I care. And I’m not scared. Light my candles. In a daze cause I’ve found God. Yeah!"

argh!!!