About A Girl

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bagong taon na! nakalimutan ko palang tumalon kagabi! pano na yan? e di hindi na ko tatanggad! wala na talaga kong pag-asa! hahaha!

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tuwing pasko o kaya bagong taon, lagi kong naiisip yung mga nangyari sa buhay ko dati. yung mga christmas party sa school na pinuntahan ko tska yung paggala namin pagkatapos ng mga party. mga exchange gift. paglalaro ng mga korning games. panonood ng christmas program. tapos sasali kung kailangan. pagkatapos non, puro text muna sa mga classmate. sa panibagong taon na lang ulit sila makikita.

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ang totoo, namimiss ko yung mga kaklase ko nung highschool. puro reklamo pa ko na gusto ko nang gumraduate at magcollege. kako gusto ko nang magtrabaho. aba! kung alam ko lang naman palang ganito ang mararamdaman ko ngayon, e di sana sinulit ko na lahat! bakit ba kasi pangmayaman lang ang digicam noon?

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mag-iisang taon na kong graduate pero kamusta naman at wala pa rin akong trabaho. may board exam na pagkatapos ng graduation, puro training pa pag nakapasa ka. mahirap. pero kaya naman. nakakakaba kasi baguhan ka pa. may mga taong kung anu-anong expectations sayo, feeling nila alam mo lahat! (ok lang kayo?!)

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nakaka-miss yung mga panahong patakbo-takbo lang ako sa corridor. yung panahong paiba-iba ang teachers ko at kahit 45 minutes lang ang klase, para bang makakatulog ako! yung ang mga kaklase ko e mga kaklase ko nung gradeschool pa! at yung mga kabarkada ko e malapit lang yung bahay samin. yung kapag may program pwede kayong tumakas pauwi. yung pagkatapos ng klase tatambay muna kayo sa kung saan mang bahay at kakain ng pancit canton. tana! naririnig ko na tuloy si Gary Valenciano…

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"SANA MAULIT MULI…
ANG MGA ORAS NATING NAKARAAN… 

…IBALIK ANG KAHAPON SANDALING DI MAPAPANTAYAN…

…ETO ANG TANGING NAIS KO ANG ATING KAHAPON SANA MAULIT MULI…"

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pero no choice e, kahit anong gawin kong pigil at panghihinayang, iniiwan ako ng mga araw sa nakabaon sa mga alaala ng kahapon. (NAKANAMAN! AMP!) hindi pwedeng magfast-forward sa future at hindi pwedeng magrewind. walang pause. walang stop. walang slow motion. play. play. puro play. kaya habang nandito pa sa scene na to, sulitin na ang pag-arte!

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HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE.

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nakatulog pala ako ng hindi nagttoothbrush kagabi, hindi rin ako nagpatay ng ilaw (salamat na lang sa nagpatay ng ilaw ko) at hindi rin ako nagkulong sa kwarto. sa madaling sabi, masyado na kong ngarag para gawin ang mga eche bureche ko sa buhay. maaga akong nagising. feeling kasi ng nagmamaganda kong kunsensya may pasok pa rin. buti na lang sabado ngayon, pahiya sya kasi may dahilan ako para hindi bumangon at magpatuloy sa pananaginip. pero naiihi ako, badtrip! (segway: kapag ganon wag kang magpipigil ng wiwi, nagka-UTI na ko dati at maniwala ka hindi masaya sa pakiramdam!). e di no choice, kailangan sagutin ang makulit na tawag na kalikasan. at nagugutom din ako, kamusta naman!

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pagtapos ng lahat ng ek-ek, umakyat na ko para matulog ulit. sayang naman ang masayang sabado kung hindi naman ako magpapatanghali ng gising hehehe! unti-unti ng naglalakad papunta ng outerspace ang utak ko nang biglang nagwala ang telepono kong iskandaloso! aba! nagtetext ang mga tao, may mga load! basa — bura — basa — exit. gusto ko pang matulog! mamaya naman na kayo mangistorbo plis! pero ayaw magpaawat ng mga naka-unlimited!

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bumangon lang ako nung nagtext ang kaibigan kong hanep magyaya! mismong araw ah! hindi kasi uso ang plano para sa kanya. sabi nya kasi, pag pinaplano kadalasang pumapalpak. spontaneity daw ito!

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wala naman akong plano para sa araw na to. wala namang kumokontra kung saka-sakaling lalabas ako. kaya GO lang ng GO! naisip ko lang, di bale nang lalabas kami’t gagastos tutal naman e may pera pa naman ako. hindi na baleng maubos yon basta lang magkaroon ako ng isa pang ekstraordinaryong araw kasama ng (mga) kaibigan ko! tapos bigla kong maaalala si nicholas cage…

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"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it…"

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HANEP!!! nakakapangilabot! ang sinasabi ko lang, malay mo di ba hindi na dumating ang araw na makakagala kami ulit. e pano kung bukas e dakipin na ko ng mga alien? e pano kung bumuka ung semento sa kwarto ko? yung mga ganong bagay! kaya kung ano yung mga pwede ko namang gawin, kinukumbinsi ko talaga yung sarili kong gawin na — as in now na! pero hindi ko rin sinasabi na lustayin lahat ng perang meron ka (wag naman masyadong shunga-ers di ba!) enjoy enjoy lang, kung meron naman bang sobra why not? o kahit sa anong gagawin mo, enjoy enjoy lang — yung para kang naka-IV ng endorphins hehehe! ayoko na rin maging contributor sa lumalaking pabrika ng sama ng loob. kaya hangga’t kaya ko pinipili kong maging masaya lagi! (pero siguro maraming magsasabing hindi totoo yung sinasabi ko, hindi naman kasi ako hyper. pero sa maniwala kayo o sa hindi, kahit hindi ako nakangiti masaya ako) masyado nang malungkot ang mundo sa pakiramdam ko, kaya smile naman jan! hahahahaha!

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pero walang biro, wala namang mali kung pipiliin mong maging masaya. kung ganon nga, wala rin namang mali kung pipiliin mong maging malungkot. gaya nga ng lagi kong sinasabi — kanya-kanyang pili lang naman yan — kaya wala na lang pakialamanan, otei?!

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something is terribly wrong with yahoo and the whole cyberspace for that matter. it has been going on for days now. dahil ba to sa earthquake?!

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true…
All I want for Christmas is
You… yeah yeah

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
Don’t care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don’t need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won’t make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you…
You baby

Oh, I won’t ask for much this Christmas
I won’t even wish for snow
I’m just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won’t make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won’t even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
‘Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You baby

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children’s
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won’t you bring me the one I really need -
won’t you please bring my baby to me…

Oh I don’t want a lot for Christmas
This is all I’m asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby, all I want for Christmas…is you
You (You) baby

All I want for Christmas is you

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* HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! MALAPIT NA NAMAN MAG-END ANG TAON! END IT WITH A BANG! HEHEHE!

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"While your english is commendable, a blog should be a short journal of your day, not a mental consultation. How much are you paying us to view your pathetic life? lol"

- A COMMENT I FOUND ON SOMEONE ELSE’S BLOG (i wish not to say who)

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while i am not sure if this is a commendation or an insult, i just had this strong impulse of posting yet another entry.

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i do not believe on limiting a blog as only a mere account of one’s day. you cannot just enclose a blog into a box and define it because it has so much potential to start with. just imagine yourself with an empty space. what are you going to do with it? it is, i think, a spot where anyone can put anything — more of an empty canvas for artists and blank papers for writers. but don’t kid around saying that you want your blog to be a hearty chocolate cake for you to feast on or a boomerang that you can play with. this is by fact the web we are talking about so get real. what i am saying is if i wish to put a bunch of nonsense on my blog (which i believe i do most of the time), it’s my call. nobody can tell me what to put in it, what to write and how to write it. if i wish to have it posted in Filipino (or in any incomprehensible jargon for that matter), i can do that as long as i keep within the borders of ethics. for example, you cannot just copy materials from others and claim it as your own. read more

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any other right, immunity or privilege is equated with responsibility. everything should be maintained in its balance.

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as for me — being a blogger — there is always that red flag before hitting the save button. you see, we are all entitled of our own opinions. as i once posted, "…dalawang bagay lang naman yan, kasusuklaman ka nila o mamahalin. hindi naman lahat ng sasabihin mo e angkop sa panlasa ng ibang tao. ang ibang katotohanan mo e masyadong mahirap para lunukin ng iba…"

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seasons

they may have come to pass

but you stood there

        through the hot summer days

        the cold damp nights

        the raging storms

you have kept yourself rooted well enough to the ground

and your hands have stayed uplifted in praise.

your shell may have withered

but your heart — it never did

they may have drifted me away

them years,

but this journey —

        it brought me back to you

and while i — at a distance

sit here in awe

with eyes focused on you

just can’t believe how

         after all these years

         i still find beauty

         even now

         upon the shedding of your leaves.

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i love how a sudden gush of serenity fill my barren soul as i — with eyes closed — wrap my arms around a lifeless pillow. i love how in the middle of a sleepless night, it — with no other choice — catches my tears of anguish and despair. i love how it encapsulates me with a feeling of being in a shell of protection — suddenly i feel safe again. i love how when i’m enraged, it automatically becomes a substitute for a punching bag — with me, punching it to its mutilation. i love how it puts up with the bitch that i oftentimes become. i love how i feel like the joy in me overflows as i recollect happy memories with it by my side. i love how it sets the mood as i lie awake — looking at the ceiling, dreaming… just dreaming. i love how it brings out the child that i had been. i love how at my highs and lows it has been there unfailingly. i love how for twisted reasons it makes me feel like i am beloved.

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in reality, it is lifeless — a dud, a fake. like how placebo tricks the body, it tricks me. i however let myself be fooled because no matter how much i deny it, it has become my stand in for the people i longed so much love from. it — in the weirdest fashion — became my best buddy when i feel like all the world has conspired to bring me happiness and my life support when i feel like almost dying. and i — left with nothing else to do — can only wish that this pillow could one day be you.

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naks naman! hindi ako makapaniwala dahil sa unang pagkakataon e ginawa ko talaga kung anong plano ko para sa maghapon. balak ko sanang hindi na sumama ng christmas party bukas. bukod sa hindi ako nakauwi ng maaga e nagbrownout pa! kamusta naman?! pero kahit puyat ako at sobrang inaantok na, gumawa pa rin ako ng crema. hindi na ko naglaba gaya ng sinabi ko nung umaga pero pinaglaba naman ako ng t-shirt ng nanay kong maganda. binalot ko na rin yung regalo ko para sa party. ako na lang ang kailangang ihanda. patay na naman ako bukas! antok mode na naman! kamusta naman at madaling araw na e nakukuha ko pang magblog! basta namiss ko to… yung mga ganitong kwento lang. sa susunod na ulet! nytnyt! ;p

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"The Best Things In Life Are Libre!"

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i went to Festival Mall to buy some ingredients for crema. even before i got there, my body was already craving for caffeine.

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"nag-iipon ka pa ba ng stickers?"

i remembered a friend of mine ask me that question. she even ordered a peppermint mocha frappuccino just to give me a sticker.

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in exchange for a planner, you have to collect 21 stickers - 12 stickers from ordering beverages of your own choice and 9 of which are beverages which are featured (flavors that i never really liked). i already have 12 stickers (8 of which came from ordering Java Chip Frappuccino — the one i really like!). i have two stickers for the featured drinks (one is when i tried their Toffee Nut Frappuccino and one because a friend of mine ordered a Peppermint Mocha Frap).

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"naku! mukhang hindi na masusundan yang sticker na binigay ko sayo!"

i have this attitude of always liking a specific flavor, of ordering the same thing again and again. like now, i have this craving for java chip frap and everytime i go to starbucks, that’s what i always order. Reigna said i won’t be able to add more stickers to my card and claim a planner because i only order java chip frap. or so she thought..

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"Java Chip Frap… Grande…"

"Do you have a card for the planner?", the barista asked. "I already have 12 stickers", then i grabbed my card to show it to her. "Ok lang, yung featured coffee na lang ang ippunch ko…" She took out a sticker and placed it on my card as if i bought a featured drink! ang bait! i got the drink that i was dying to have and at the same time earned a sticker for the planner.

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now that’s getting the best of both worlds.

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salamat chelle! starbucks festival mall.

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(…magastos na ko noh? may plano kasi ako para sa planner e hehehe! after claiming the planner babalik na lang ako sa pagccoke para sa caffeine hahaha!)