About A Girl

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As lines, so love’s oblique may well
Themselves in every angle meet:
But ours, so truly parallel,
Though infinite, can never meet.

                                      - Andrew Marvell

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i watched the holiday —- twice. hehehe! nakakatawa at nakakatuwa! watch it!

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pinabilib naman ako ni cameron diaz sa pagtakbo niya ng malayo at mabilis suot ang kanyang stilleto! astig mo mare!

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haaaay! jude law was soooooo charming. i would definitely love to have him at my doorstep with a bouquet of roses on valentines day. paki-fedex nyo nga sya sakin! hahahaha!

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may bagong kabanata na naman ang kagila-gilalas na pakikipagsapalaran ni jancarli. at dahil may bagong adventure, meron ding bagong destination — teka! erase erase! babalik lang pala ako, hindi na rin kasi bago sa kin ang…

MANILA, MANILA… I KEEP COMING BACK TO MANILA…

balik buhay byahero na naman.

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lunes ng umaga..

bagong adventure na naman. destination — manila. hindi na to katulad nung mga nakaraang buwan na 20 minutes lang ang byahe. ngayon, K-A-I-L-A-N-G-A-N ko nang gumising ng maaga dahil maaga rin ang pasok ko. bawal ma-late, sabi nila.

ngayon ko lang talaga napatunayan na marami na palang taong dilat kahit sobrang maaga pa. may mga taong kahit dis-oras pa ng umaga e nakagayak na at papunta sa trabaho. at ngayon, isa na ako sa kanila.

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tuesday ng hapon…

hindi ko malaman kung bakit ngayon e hindi na ko makatulog sa bus. kung noon nama’y ang tingin ko sa upuan ng bus e kamang nakabaluktot, ngayon e kahit nasa tapat na ko ng kanto namin e hindi pa rin ako nakaka-score ng tulog — o kahit idlip lang. ano na kayang nangyari sa batang dati-rati ilang minuto pa lang nakakasakay sa bus e naghihilik na agad? namimiss ko na tuloy yung mga panahong kahit sa ordinaryong bus e natutulog ako. at sa awa naman ng Diyos, e nung mga panahong yon e hindi ako napagkamalian ng mga mandurukot. siguro para akong kawawang paslit na mukhang wala nang ibang pera kundi pang-pamasahe kaya hindi na napagiinteresan pa ng mga masasamang loob.

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thursday ng umaga..

traffic?! traffic na agad?! alas singko y medya pa lang e traffic na sa may alabang kaya halos hindi ako magkanda-ugaga sa pag-aalala kung paano ang mangyayari pag na-late ako. nawala lang ang isip ko sa pag-aalala nang makakita ako ng aleng kapukaw-pukaw ng pansin. matanda na siya. mukhang sosi. payapa siyang nakahilig sa bintana ng bus. natutulog. nakakainggit. pero hindi yun ang dahilan kung bakit nanakaw nya ang noo’y di maagaw kong atensyon. di ko kasi maintindihan kung anong kulay ang eyeliner nya — kaparehas na kulay ng mga pilik-mata nya! (oo, pareho ang kulay ng eyeliner at mascara nya) ok lang sana kung itim ang kulay na napili nya. pero hindi! napagtanto ko lang ang kulay ng pilik-mata nya nung makita ko ang bag nyang dala, ang shoe mart plastic bag sa mga binti nya, sa payong ko at sa kurtina ng bus — lahat sila blue. nagsusumigaw na blue! kung hindi siguro ako nag-aalala nung mga panahong yon, baka siguro hindi ko napigilan ang tumawa. iba kasi talaga ang asim ni manang! nagmumurang kamias!

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friday ng gabi..

aliw na aliw pa naman ako dahil sa unang pagkakataon e nakasakay ako ng kalesa. (oo, first time kong sumakay ng kalesa, maraming salamat kay kuya rey). mula sa manila hotel, papunta ng baywalk, paikot ng mabini, padaan ng luneta at derecho sa intramuros (yan ang kalesa tour) — at mula sa intramuros, naglakad ako papuntang lawton kung saan ako sumakay ng bus. paliko na kami ng singalong nung biglang may sumulpot na berdeng honda civic sa harap namin. aba! gago to ah singit ng singit! sa loob-loob ko lang naman. at dahil pula sa stoplight, lumabas ang unggoy na nagddrive ng nasabing sasakyan at lumapit sa bintana ng driver ng bus. tangina eto na… panigurado gagawa kami ng trapik sa daan. eto kasing tatanga-tangang unggoy na puno ng hangin ang katawan e may gana pang magreklamo! sya na nga tong mali, sya pa tong mayabang! hinanap daw nito ang lisensya ng driver ng bus. pulis?! feeling nya lang noh! kung hindi ba naman kasi sya sumingit singit, e di sana hindi lumipat yung pintura nung bus dun sa bumper nya. siya na nga lang tong sumisingit, sya pa tong gagong galit! di ako magkandamayaw sa pagdarasal na sana pumara na yung bus sa bahay namin, mukhang pinanggigigilan kasi nung driver yung steering wheel ng bus. limang beses nga niyang pinukpok ng pinukpok yung busina nya. hirap nga naman sa ting mga tao, minsan tayo na ang mali, tayo pa ang may ganang manisi… tsktsk!

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isang linggo pa lang yan! iba-iba naman kasi ang bawat araw — ang bawat byahe. parang buhay natin…

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I’d rather know if you had turned the page
If you go faster than I do
Suddenly it’s not so clear just what I am to you
Am I friend, am I lover, do we still need each other
When you touch me, when you touch me baby I can tell

What do we mean to each other, am I friend, am I lover is it over now
If this is it then why bother tell me where do we take it from here
What do we mean to each other am I friend ,am I lover, is it over now
Do you love me still or do you just mean well

I can see clearly how im hurting you
Every breath gives you a way
All we go on separate roads has gone in the way.
Am I friend, am I lover, do we still need each other
When you hold me, when you hold me baby I can tell

What do we mean to each other, am I friend, am I lover is it over now
If this is it then why bother tell me where do we take it from here
What do we mean to each other am I friend ,am I lover, is it over now
Do you love me still or do you just mean well

Time became a poison looking slowly on my home
Screwing all the memories, Is it tearing us apart
When you touch me, when you touch me baby I can tell

What do we mean to each other, am I friend, am I lover is it over now
If this is it then why bother tell me where do we take it from here
What do we mean to each other am I friend ,am I lover, is it over now
Do you love me still or do you just mean well

What do we mean to each other, am I friend, am I lover is it over now
If this is it then why bother tell me where do we take it from here
What do we mean to each other am I friend ,am I lover, is it over now
Do you love me still or do you just mean well

Do you love me still or do you just mean well

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awww… naisipan ko lang i-post ang kantang to dahil sobrang… awwww…. yun lang ang masasabi ko…

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"…magsulat ka lang ng magsulat… wag kang mag-alala… hindi ka pa nauubusan ng papel.."

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nakakatawa kung paanong ang buhay ng tao e maikukumpara sa isang libro — at tayong lahat, sa di sinasadyang pagkakataon, mga manunulat. maraming kabanata. may mga parteng maaksyon, may mga tagpong madrama, may mga punchline na nakakatawa… may mga kaganapang sinadya at maiging pinlano, meron ding biglaan na lang nangyayari, meron din yung mga hindi na napapansing nangyari. may mga pagkakataong nakakabato ang takbo ng istorya at may mga pagkakataong hindi ka magkamayaw sa excitement. boring man o hindi — ang bawat tao may kwento.

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sa pagising sa bawat umaga, parang may bagong papel para pagsulatan ng isa na namang adventure. kahit sabihin mo pang pareho lang naman ang gagawin mo sa ginawa mo kahapon, iba pa rin yun. iba kung paano mong gagawin, sasabihin o titignan ang mga bagay-bagay. ang mga opinyon mo ngayon, pwedeng bukas iba na. palatandaan lang na, sa bawat pag-ikot ng ating buhay (teka! kanta yun ah!), parating may mga pagbabagong nagaganap kahit gaano man kalaki o kaliit ito.

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ang mga problema — na parati naman nating pinoproblema — araw-araw din nandyan. may mga pagkakataong hindi halata, may mga pagkakataong hindi ito ipinapahalata at mayroon din naman yung mga pagkakataong nakakatawa na ang mukha ng taong halatang may-ari ng pabrika ng problema sa mundo. pero kahit anong sabihin ng kahit na sino, walang kwentong hindi natatapos. walang pangungusap na hindi natutuldukan. walang problemang hindi naaayos. yun nga lang may mga pagbabagong dulot ang pagkakaayos o pagkakagulo ng mga problema. kung alin sa alin, hindi ko rin alam. ang alam ko lang, hindi pwedeng pare-pareho na lang ang takbo ng bawat araw.

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ang mga salitang nagamit kahapon, pwede pa rin sa ngayon, sa bukas, sa makalawa, sa susunod na taon. pero hindi lahat ng mga salitang nabitawan ngayon e bibitawan pa rin bukas, sa makalawa, sa susunod na taon. pero sino nga ba ang makapagsasabi kung magkakaroon pa ng bukas, ng makalawa, ng susunod na taon ang buhay mo? isa lang sa mga bagay kung bakit napakakontrobersyal at kapanapanabik ng buhay — na yun nga lang minsan nakakalimutan nating itanong kaya hindi natin naiisip ang kahalagahan ng bawat umaga — ng bawat araw. ngayon na binabasa mo to, eto na lang ang huling masasabi ko. magsulat ka lang ng magsulat… wag kang mag-alala… hindi ka pa nauubusan ng papel..

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i’m sooooo sooooo happy today!

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my day started with the thought: "PAPASOK BA AKO?" it has been rather confusing since i had — and i must say for the first time — a really good time yesterday at the hospital. the confusion just vanished into thin air when i had the thought: "You know what Jc, you had a great time yesterday. Today is a different day. What if you revert to getting all depressed and bored again today? Would you make yesterday your unforgettable fun last day? Or would you rather gamble and find out for yourself what your supposed last day would be like? Can you afford one more bad day?

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i want to hold special memories of micro. i want to remember micro as a happy place not as a gloomy shell housing a silent war. i don’t want another day full of resentment and depression. now that i am thinking about it, i find it actually funny how one great day erase all the pains of a whole month.

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after having breakfast, i noticed that i have an unread text message. it was my bestfriend Leo asking if i have anything planned for today. i told him that i was planning to have coffee at Starbucks. he agreed to meet me there.

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what i actually like about our friendship is how we simply slip into casual conversations that though we don’t see each other that often, we still can say anything and everything to each other. he has always been that person who was really ready to listen to anything that i want to say. he accepts the person i have become. never have i felt awkward when i am with him.

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after having coffee, we hanged out at the fourth floor lobby because i asked him to teach me how to play magic the gathering. i honestly do not understand at times how the game is going or what my next move will be but i really had fun! we were having a great time when this manong guard said, "Sir, ma’am, bawal po dito yan." He must have thought that we were gambling. HELLO MANONG! HINDI NGA AKO MARUNONG MAGLARO NOH! So we just went on our way to McDonald’s to have lunch. I said earlier that it’s funny how one great day erase all the pains of a whole month. And it’s all the more annoying how one line could ruin a whole day! I said something that is quite offensive (let’s not just discuss what happened, simply put i said something that offended him). We went to the arcade after that, he played a couple of games. It was that moment that i felt terrible. Shit! i ruined the whole day with one fucked up sentence. "Hindi ako galit sayo." but i can feel the repulsion, the annoyance. After that, we found this secluded place with a lot of benches. You guessed it right. Itinuloy namin yung magic session namin xmpre! at first, i thought that he was really upset. and yes, he was upset. but what i like about my bestfriend is how easy it is to apologize to him. he was still upset but at least, i heard him say that he really was upset and though he was upset, he still talks to me. he says it to my face how he does not understand my point of view. some people just tend to disappear when they get hurt. he’s definitely not one of them.

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it was four in the afternoon when we decided to go home. as the jeepney sped through the highway, i thought about what i said. explaining to him my point would cause more conflict so i tried thinking if what i said was right. i took back what i said. "nasabi mo na e," sabi nya. he was right but then i still offered to spend the rest of the afternoon with him. "pag-iisipan ko muna," sabi nya. he waved goodbye as the jeepney comes to a full stop, then i got off. he followed. everything was then okay.

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we decided to go to Lucy’s house. i told him how i wanted so much to go back to our highschool and see our dear teacher that is Mr. Aladeza. Among the many great teachers we had, he was one of the few who is still teaching there until now. we walked the streets of sto.niño as how we did before. we went to kael’s place but he wasn’t there because he had to work. before we reached Lucy’s place, we passed by a basketball court where we saw Marc. he is still so approachable and funny. then, we went to Lucy’s house and asked her if she could come out and go to the school with us. we talked with Marc again. We even saw kenneth. A few minutes after, we found ourselves planning for a getaway (drawing na reunion!). How i wish that that plan will become reality!

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We (Lucy, Leo and I) went to our highschool. That’s where we saw Mr. Aladeza. God! He looked great! Tumaba sya actually. We saw Mrs. Saet (our principal) as well. Xmpre chika ever kami pagtapos with sir Aladeza. What i so love about our teachers is how they treat us like family. Having been in a humble school, it’s not unusual for teachers to treat you as if you were their own children. Our school is still like how it was before. There have been a few changes but it was still the second home where i spent twelve years of my existence. It was soooo great to finally come back there! It felt like coming home yet again. It’s even more amazing how they welcomed us — inviting us even at this year’s Foundation week!

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We saw Itad on our way home. Food trip muna xmpre bago umuwi! Argh! Fishballs, squid balls and fries! ANG SARAP! SUPER NAMISS KO ANG FISHBALLS!

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It was already seven o’clock when we decided to go back to Lucy’s place. We looked at old photos and even took some new ones. Some forty minutes later, we offered to go home.

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I cannot sum up in words how happy i am this day! i mean, these people are my family! being able to see and talk to them again fills my heart with joy. ANG SARAP NG FEELING! I honestly wanted to cry as we (Leo and i) were on our way home. pero ang weird naman if i would burst into tears. I thank God sooooo much for giving me this day to spend with my friends — well, my family. I CAN NEVER EVER TRADE THIS DAY FOR ANYTHING ELSE BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE I WAS WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.

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