"Mahirap mabuhay sa panahon ngayon."
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May nakausap ako kanina. Ewan ko kung bakit pero bigla akong humirit ng tanong na…
"Hindi mo ba nararamdamang matanda ka na?"
"Minsan."
"E bakit hindi ka pa nag-aasawa?"
"Anong ipapakain ko sa kanya? PAKO?"
Natawa naman tuloy ako! Sa lahat naman ng pwedeng maisip ipakain, bakit naman kaya pako?! Pero kung sabagay, totoo naman e. Hirap mag-asawa sa mga panahon ngayon. Kung ako lang ang asawa at ang ipapakain lang sakin e pako, di bale na lang! Ano ko, pang-circus?! Pambihira!
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Frap addict?
I took the bus to Alabang this afternoon. When I got there, I found myself walking towards Festival Mall. My agenda? To buy some medicine. I went to the ladies’ room before heading towards my hunt for medicine. As I was walking, I had this craving for java chip frappuccino. Damn! I was there last saturday but sadly failed to enjoy its chocolatey goodness because I had important things to attend to. Maybe that’s why I’m craving for another cup! I didn’t even bother buying the medicine that I intended to buy. I went straight to Starbucks to have my caffeine fix. As surprised as I was, when i got there, I took a look at the already packed place and decided to just go home.
Here’s the thing. I love Starbucks’ Java Chip Frappuccino. That’s a given. But you see, I am actually TRYING to come up with a decent budget (yes! I’m TRYING to be responsible in handling money). Now that I’m working, I can feel how hard it is to have the "buying power." Now, I have money to buy the things that I always look at at store windows. I don’t have to scrimp (that’s what I used to do when I want something so bad when I was but a student) because now, I am holding the money that I worked hard for. AND IT IS SOOOO FRUSTRATING! It is so frustrating to know that I can buy that something that I want when I have to be responsible with how I use my money. It is just so hard to say "no" sometimes but I realized that it is actually an everyday choice that I have to make. I have to think whether it is a good buy or not. I have to think about its use and importance. Do I need it or do I just want it? Most of the time, I find myself saying, "I want it." I just want it. I don’t really need it but I want it. I realized that saying "no" is a hard choice to make sometimes because I am actually saying "no" to myself. I am denying myself of what I want. And it is so hard! Sometimes, I give in to what I want. Sometimes, I get a hold of myself and just walk away. No matter what the decision may be, it always boils down to one question: TO BUY OR NOT TO BUY?
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Lagi kong tinatanong sa sarili ko kung anong ginagawa ko sa buhay ko. Lagi ko rin naman yung sinasagot ng "hindi ko alam." Kapag tinatanong ko naman kung masaya ba ako sa trabaho ko (tutal eto naman ang kumakain sa oras ko sa mga panahon ngayon), nasasabi ko namang oo. Pero minsan, naiisip kong eto na lang ba ako? Eto na lang ba ang magiging ako? Taga-paubo ng mga taong nagbabalak pumunta sa tate? Alam kong bata pa ako, pero hanggang kailan? Ano namang magiging ako pagkalipas ng sampung taon? Nagpapaubo pa rin ba ako ng mga taong nagbabalak magpunta sa tate? Gusto kong pagplanuhan ang buhay ko, pero parang hindi ako yun. Kadalasan naman kasi ng mga plano ko, puro drawing lang! Pero may pangarap naman ako, marami! Minsan nakakalimutan ko tuloy kung paano mabuhay sa ngayon (as in ngayong segundong to). Kahit alam kong wala namang magagawa kung lagi na lang akong nakatingin sa bukas, sige pa rin ako sa pangangarap. Libre raw kasi! Pero sa ngayon, salamat naman sa Diyos dahil may trabaho ako. Sa kabila ng kawalang-pagmamahal ko noon sa kursong pinili, binibiyayaan Nya pa rin ako ng magandang trabaho. Ang hirap kasi sakin, minsan pag napapatingin ako sa buhay ng ibang tao, gusto ko ganon na rin ang sa akin, nakakalimutan ko tuloy magpasalamat. Kaya kasama ng pasasalamat na to, e isang malaking sorry na rin ke papa God. sabay kiss! hahahaha!
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