About A Girl

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there are three things i realized today.

AT STARBUCKS, EVERY CUP IS AN EXPERIENCE. I have to admit that i love java chip frap! i just love love love love love it! i think it is heaven in a cup! True enough. Starbucks’ coffee comes at a price. but i believe that it is more than just a cup of coffee.

it’s been just a year since i found myself at Starbucks Festival. after that, i have always loved to stay there (be it alone or with my friends). this place actually gives me that space to think, to meditate, to reflect when i am alone and houses meetings with friends and acquaintances. their coffee is utterly amazing but it goes far beyond being just a cup of coffee — for every cup there is an experience.

i went there today and stayed there for nine hours. yep! nine hours! two of which i spent in solitude and the other seven, just chatting with a good friend. now that’s coffee shop hospitality.

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READING CAN ACTUALLY BE FUN. i never believed in reading magazines (thinking it is a waste of money). nor did i ever had a liking for reading. but it all started at Starbucks where i first saw and actually read Town & Country. i was so inspired by the articles they published! i never thought that it would actually spark my interest for reading. T&C really changed my point of view about magazines. it is informative and inspiring. the photos are great. the stories are too. finally! i realized that it is healthy to read magazines (or anything that is substantial of course!).

i have always said that i don’t really enjoy reading. the funny thing is, i love to write. it is rather peculiar that i hate the former and love the latter. but this, i learned: it will actually help me grow in terms of wordplay if i actually read. i could start building my vocabulary. i could learn how to put my thoughts in a paragraph orderly. i could improve my skills in writing. to top it all, i can learn something new (period).

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WE ARE ALL JUST HUMAN. yep! it is not something new but it seems that sometimes we have to be reminded of this fact. WE ARE ALL JUST HUMAN. we lose. we gain. we make mistakes. we learn. we fight. we survive. we falter. we care. we believe. we seek for answers. we struggle. we hope. we live. we die. we fall. we fall in love.

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I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW ADDICTING PRISON BREAK CAN BE! SIX HOURS OF IT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE ENOUGH TO SATISFY MY CRAVING FOR MORE! THE PLAYER BUGGED DOWN ON ME EVEN… BEGGING ME FOR IT TO REST AS I NEED TO DO THE SAME.

HAAY….

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IF THIS GUY WERE TO BE MY CELLIE, I’D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO GO TO PRISON! HAHAHAHA! (PROVIDED THAT WE’LL BREAK OUT OF THERE OF COURSE! hehehe!)

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haay….! busy na ba talaga ko o nagtotoxic-toxican lang? marami na kaming ginagawa sa clinic. i’m thankful though. sana e mas marami pang work ang dumating samen. hahahaha! so addictus din talaga ko e no! i still need to go to work tomorrow but i miss cyberspace so much! kaya eto nagiinternet kahit walang kailangan.

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at last! nakita ko rin kung ano yung song na gusto ko! sabi ko na nga ba fall out boy yun! the take over, the breaks over! hahaha! screamo ang drama ko! ang layo naman kasi nung title! nahihirapan tuloy yung kalooban ko… hahaha! pero ngayon ok na!

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i miss my friends. dati rati isang tawag lang nakaset na agad ang lakad. ngayon pahirapan na sa yayaan. walang imikan kahit sa text. yung isa nalunod pa ang cellphone sa washing machine! kamusta naman yun! haaay! we’re getting older and older… nakakalungkot naman, why do we have to grow apart?

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may kwento ako!!! naman!!! naman talaga! ala una na ko natulog kanina kasi… wala lang! hahaha! pero kahit ganun pa man (nyaks!), nagising ako ng alas tres ng umaga! pa’no naman kasi ang sakit ng binti ko! akala ko may kumagat na lamok. pero ang sakit nya talaga para sa isang kagat ng lamok. thank God dahil nakatulog naman ako kaagad at fortunately e nagising ng 6am. alam mo ba kung bakit? kasi naman!!!! may gumagapang sa binti ko!!!! akala ko pa naman e ipis! iiyak na sana ako! pero hindi pala!!!! centipede pala ito!!!!! mas malaking dahilan para maiyak ako!!!!!! hahahahah! kadiri talaga yung centipede!!! tsaka nakakatakot kaya!!!! kaya pala ang sakit sakit nung binti ko, hindi pala lamok o ipis yun!!! my God!!!! centipede ito!!!!!!! ewwwww!!! (hahaha! naririnig ko na si mamuchi… "ang kire!!!")

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at ang weirdo kong opismeyt na si teknik. napanaginipan akong nagtitinda ng bayabas!!! kamusta ka naman? pero dahil ayokong balatan ang binili nyang bayabas, nagtaray ang lolo mo at sinabing "ibalik mo yung pera ko, ayoko na nyan!" hahahaha! addictus!!!

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sarap ng dinner with mam tekla and mamuchi! pano kase libre!!! hahaha! mahal pala sa chaikofi… kala nun! babalik ako dun! maka-experience man lang sa yellow en black nilang upuan hahahah! gandang interior! miss ko na ring mag-"cardio" sa mall…haay! wala akong pera!!!!!!!! charing!

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gusto ko na rin sanang kausapin si pareng sir andy kaso hindi ko alam kung pano magsisimula… eto na naman ako… puro ready… aim…. ready… aim…. ready… aim…. ready…. aim….

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bukas may pasok ako… nasabi ko na pala yun…

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si yumyum naman pala e magreresign na… saang kamay kaya ng Diyos sya kukuha ng 35000 petots na pambayad ng bond?!?! kaliwa o kanan?

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ano ba talaga yung it’s an arms race?!?!?!

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gusto ko nang matulog pero ayoko pang matapos yung gabi…

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at dahil pala magffriendster ang maganda kong ate, sige na, aalis na muna ako… next time na lang ulit. sana next time meron na kong kwentong matino.. .hahhahah! next time ko na lang din ippost yung picture nung centipede na panget! walangya sya! hehehehe!

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nga pala, nakatambay ako nung sunday. wala… nagbabasa lang ng magazine… natuwa naman ako sa town&country philippines! nakakatuwa talaga! ako na hindi mahilig magbasa… nakabasa ng tatlong article! san ka pa!

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ngayon na lang ulit ako nakakain ng zagu! piso para kay rico!! naks! astig nya talaga! nakakainspire yung royalty nya! haaay!!!

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gud nyt my dear void! malapit na ang december…. pasko na naman… malamig pa rin… hahahahaha!

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i remember it was a hot summer morning when i first fell in love with ordinary buses. it was a trip to Cubao. i had to be early for my internship. i saw this rusty old bus speeding by and i stretched my hand and gave it a little wave. it stopped by to let me in — its doors wide open, waiting for me to dive into the unknown.

(yes, i had never taken a ride in an ordinary bus at that time.)

i took each step up its stairs as carefully as i can — holding as tightly as i could on its steel bars. i found myself a seat — a not-so-comfortable one if i may add — beside a man so muscular i’d say he could qualify as a welterweight. he slid and gave room for me.. or at least half my butt. the bus took off with me and my scared little soul. this earth was the road and this bus was the king! (or so i felt considering how the driver was doing his job)

i guess in a twisted kind of way, that is one of the things i love about ordinary buses. how it speeds up and burn kilometers in a matter of minutes. how it manages to swerve and change lanes through heavy traffic without using signal lights. how it makes your hair dry and dull after a what seems like a blow dry. how it cuts through air and accelerates at the freeway leaving you with a dirt facial. how it never fails to amaze me that it has an e-pass to avoid heavy tollgate traffic (how come air-conditioned buses don’t have that?!). how it makes my heart jump with joy every time it approaches the skyway ramp. how it gives me much joy to see vendors of peanuts (my favorite! haha!) and C2 and mineral water and chicharon and dried mangoes. how it offers cheap fare. and most especially how it gives my body that adrenaline rush as it speeds up and make my little hands hold on for my dear life on its railings silently crying out for God’s mercy and protection.

aaahhh! i love ordinary bus rides — where every ride is an experience!
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so what’s new? nothing really. just the same old me.

but really. i find that statement not true. it’s not the same old
me. if that were true, i’d still be a baby in my wet diaper crying
desperately for my mother’s loving arms. but i’m not anymore a two-year
old who doesn’t have a clue of how cruel the world is. and that is just
the painful part.

i envy little kids. yes. little kids. those who ran around never
minding what half of the world is doing. those who loves to be silly.
those who are carefree. those who do not conform to what others think.
those who instantly make friends in a ball pit. those who knows only
two things to do — laugh and cry. those whose world is simple. those
whose heart is pure.

and the fact of the matter is.. i am no longer a kid. the sad and
painful truth. the ultimate journey has led me to here and now. if only
i can turn back time…

i was talking to a friend of mine this morning. this friend told me
how painful it is for her to realize that everything has changed. how
time passes and how sad it is for her to know that friends are now just
acquaintances. how before she’d allot time for watching tv series and
cooking and hanging out with friends. those are just a part of the past
now. and then it hit me… finally it hit me… it wasn’t just me.

before i used to picture myself as someone standing still behind a
crowd that is finding their own way — walking, striding, running in
different directions. it’s just too painful to watch them go. to know
that there is a possibility of no return. to only hope that somehow
they will remember and in some way they will find their way back.

all the while i was in that situation, someone somewhere was going
through the same thing. fearing the same possibilities. praying for the
best outcome. hoping for the next turn to lead to one road. still
holding on.

if all these were true, why then do we still have to wait for the
end to say "if only?" i know i did. i have uttered the very words for
so many times. never savoring the moment. never seizing the day.
fearing to let myself be known by others. trying to keep fancy guard.
ever scared to be hurt.

ahhh… the inevitability of change. partner that with time’s
continuum. add a dash of extensive reminiscing before you sprinkle it
with the battle between holding on and letting go. then choose only one
topping… is it going to be "we had our time" or "if only?"

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"…Sana ay makilala kang muli tulad ng dati…"
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