Archive for February, 2008

gusto ko ganito, gusto ko ganyan

Friday, February 29th, 2008

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naghihimala ang langit. parati akong hindi online. at parati akong walang post. hindi naman ako toxic. pero may ibang pinagkakaabalahan. siguro tv. siguro games. siguro trabaho. siguro lang naman.

dalawang linggo na.

alam mo ba. yung mga tao sa paligid ko naghahanap ng trabaho sa amerika. bakit kaya ako hindi ko maisip yon? bakit hindi yon ang pinagkakaabalahan ko? kung tutuusin tama yung diskarteng yon diba? pero pakiramdam ko, kung para sa sarili kong desisyon, hindi tama. una sa lahat, malamig don! mamamatay ako sa malamig. (e di pumunta sa hindi malamig db?!) pero hindi pa rin. wala naman don ang nanay at tatay ko. dahil nandito sila. (e di dalhin sila don?!) pero dapat pumunta muna ako don bago ko sila madala don. tsaka magiging workwhore ako don. malulungkot ako at siguradong workaholic ang labas ko. bugbog pero sa trabaho lang. e dito pa nga lang wala na kong kabuhay buhay, dun pa kaya. na ang tanging iniikutan lang ng mundo ko e yung festival at yung trabaho ko. magtatrabaho. manonood ng sine. magkakape (kasama na dito ang pagbabasa). magsesession kung san man maganda kumuha ng litrato. matutulog. at ang paborito ko so far ang kumain! para bang wala nang pupuntahan yung buhay ko? naghihintay na lang na tumada ako at uugud-ugud na para magretiro. pero hindi. ayoko ng ganon. gusto kong magretiro bago pa magretiro ang mga binti ko. gusto kong pumunta sa maraming marami pang lugar. kukuha ng mga litrato ng mga tao, ng mga bagay na maganda at pangit, ng mga lugar, ng mga weird. basta litrato. gusto ko ng camera yung mabigat. gusto ko rin yung lomo. gusto kong manood ng mga play, ng mga musical, ng mga indie films. gusto kong makakita ng nagbaballet (pero nakakita na pala ako nito). gusto kong makakita ng orchestra. gusto ko rin makakita ng rock band na may kasamang orchestra (ginawa na to dati pero hindi ko naman nakita). gusto kong kumuha ng litrato sa gabi (hindi ko pa rin to nagagawa). gusto kong magdrive (wala pa rin akong lisensya). gusto kong maging complete! hahahahaha!

wala naman sigurong masama kung maliit lang ang pangarap ko. kung tutuusin, hindi yon maliit. kasi kung magttravel ako, kaylangan loaded ako. loaded ng limpak-limpak na salapi! kasalanan ko ba kung may ibang gusto yung puso ko? (wahahahahah!) kasalanan ko ba kung medtech akong hindi mahilig sa science? kasalanan ko ba kung hindi ako magaling magmemorize ng mga kung anu-anong kachorvahan? kasalanan ko ba kung ayokong magtrabaho forever? (at sino namang may gusto non?) kung gaano man kabongga yung pangarap ko, wala nang makakaalam non. hindi simple yung pangarap ko. parang ako. mukhang simple. pero hindi. kontradiksyon nga ng maraming bagay dba? pero e ano ngayon? kanya-kanya yan. eto yung sakin…
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[stubborn as hell / rant mode] jancarli

saan kaya ako dadalhin ng mga tsinelas na ito?

Monday, February 18th, 2008

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paano pa makakakita ang mugtong mga mata?

Friday, February 15th, 2008

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12:48 na ng madaling araw sa relo kong huli naman ang oras pero hindi pa rin ako makatulog. inaatake ako ng kabaliwan. binubulabog ako ng maraming tanong. ano ang kahalagahan ng buhay? saan mahahanap ang tunay na kaligayahan? paano ako dapat mamuhay? anong mga dapat kong gawin? kung piso ang halaga ng bawat kaligayahan, bakit hindi pa rin ako masaya?

sinubukan kong maglakad lakad sa cyberspace. baka sakaling makalanghap ng sariwang hangin. baka sakaling bumalik ako sa tamang katinuan.

dito ako napadpad. isang lugar ng pinag-isang sining. magkahalong musika at pelikula. isang palabas mula sa mga kapwa kong tomasino.

isang koleksyon ng mga larawan. isang musikang nakakapukaw ng damdaming matagal nang natutulog. kapwa pamilyar. kapwa nagpapaalala. kapwa nanggigising. sama ka, bumalik tayo sa paraiso…

 
 

 

 

 

Return to a land called Paraiso,
a place where a dying river ends.
No birds there fly over Paraiso,
no space allows them to endure.
The smoke that screens the air,
the grass that’s never there.

And if I could see a single bird, what a joy.
I try to write some words and create
a simple song to be heard
by the rest of the world.

I live in this land called Paraiso,
in a house made of cardboard floors and walls.
I learned to be free in Paraiso,
free to claim anything I see.
Matching rags for my clothes,
plastic bags for the cold.

And if empty cans were all I have, what a joy.
I never fight to take someone
else’s coins and live with fear
like the rest of the boys.

Paraiso, help me make a stand.
Paraiso, take me by the hand
Paraiso, make the world understand
that if I could see a single bird, what a joy.
This tired and hungry land could expect
some truth and hope and respect
from the rest of the world.

the coño talks about vacation

Sunday, February 10th, 2008

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it’s been a month?! that’s interesting. so i was really busy… hmmm…

last january, we had visitors from mexico. kasi they had to establish their own lab. they wanted to see lang how we do it here in manila. plus the usual sharing of thoughts among superiors regarding this and that over lunch. it turned out pretty well. one of them nga even said na we were doing a good job. but of course there are some work that still needs to be done in prep for april. more visitors coming… argh! why naman april!

prayer granted.
february one. finally! my dream trip to baguio.
after work, i decided to invite blessa for some coffee. (i was sooooo nervous talaga! i didn’t know why. so i wanted coffee…  to make me more nerbyos!) it was already past ten when we finally decided to part ways. she went home. i went on my way to baguio (with my colleagues xmpre). at first i couldn’t sleep at all! because it was soooo masikip sa van. but then as time passed by, i found naman a comfy position. it felt like i have been asleep for a long time kahit hindi naman. i was naalimpungatan when we stopped somewhere sa baba ng baguio, baka daw may gusto mag-cr or whatever but i think the people sa van were half-asleep pa so who cares di ba?! hahaha! ayun! it was madilim so it was not so nakakatakot. the only thing that is nakakatakot is how manong is driving! how he takes on the curves! my goodness! hindi man lang nagppreno! di ata uso sa kanya yung break! i don’t know… basta!

6am na nung nagdecide akong bumangon. it was soooo malamig! buti na lang i brought some medjas with me. it’s freezing kaya there pag umaga! i went out nga to take some pictures and of course to feel the cool breeze of baguio. lamig! sarap! sayang wala me someone to hug!

first stop. bell church. most interesting thing i saw there: probably the small fountain with the tulips.

after don, we went to tamaw-an. i love it there! sobrang heaven! ang daming interesting pieces! and our tour guide allowed us to take photographs of some of the artworks. now that’s interesting! ayun! dun ako marami pictures na nakuha! and one more thing na masarap don e yung cold chocolate nila. hmmmm! it was sooooo masarap!!!!!!

we stopped by muna ata sa our lady of Lourdes grotto. we had two pictures taken with Igorots. 120 pesos kaya! pero we were not in the position and mood to argue with them naman kaya sige na. 120 pesos.

then we went to sm baguio to eat lunch. i had a hearty porkchop! nakakagutom!

more picture taking nung hapon. although i was soooo pagod na! but there are a lot of interesting sites and items dun. tska hello! first time ko kea dito so better make the best out of it deba? we went to botanical garden, minesview park,  pma and camp john hay. ang ganda!!!! ang ganda talaga dun! although marami na ring houses. ayun! we bought pasalubong na rin that day. kasi me and ate joy were going back to manila nung madaling araw.

that night, we had a feast sa bahay nila jet (he’s the one from baguio! buti na lang he’s our officemate ha ha ha! how else would this trip turn out to be a reality if it weren’t for him and his wife beth?). anyway, ang sarap ng food! it’s like you are having your last meal na! after dinner, we made tingin na the pictures we took that day. imagine one thousand plus pictures yon! we hooked it up sa tv and made fun of each other! he he he!

i didn’t want to sleep kasi two hours na lang we were to hit the road again to go back to manila. sakit kaya sa ulo yon! pero i was sooooo sleepy na talaga! so sleepy in fact na i found the couch so cozy to make tulog! feeling ko house namin yon?!?! anyway, some time after that, narinig ko na yung voice ni kuya jet. waking me up na. tapos hinatid na nila kami sa bus terminal. a little before one, me and ate joy were both on our way to manila na. some five hours later, i woke up and realized na we were already at cubao na pala. half past 6, i was already at home. i just kissed my mom and greeted my dad and went off to bed.

february two o’eight.
i had to wake up na agad because i promised ate jo that i would join her sa pasinaya at ccp. ang nakakatawa don, naunahan ko pa sya sa manila. i had coffee. tapos when they (she brought someone along with her, si isko.) came na, we looked around for some food. they ate. i didn’t na kasi nga i just had coffee.

we saw philippine madrigal singers!!!! my first time! they are soooo galing talaga! and we saw tribu (this was the movie that bagged last year’s best picture sa cinemalaya). it was well made! the actors were superb! ang galing talaga! i wonder what preparations they made para sa story na to. i mean, it looked so natural to me! sabagay… no acting needed since they were like retelling their lives to the world. ang galing! they sure deserve the win.

after the loooong day sa pasinaya. we went home. the following day i found myself at work yet again. super toxic ko! sobrang toxic na i haven’t made bawi pa nga sa tulog! so there! that answers my being absent sa blogging scenario! but who cares! i’m back! (but still not myself!)
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p.s i went to manila yesterday (feb9,08) kasi nga may ms excel workshop kami. wala pa sila when i got there so i decided to buy breakfast (softdrinks #1). then we ate sa tokyo tokyo (softdrinks #2) and played billiards (sobrang tagal ko nang hindi nakakahawak ng tako!) then i went to ust  to meet jobs and blessa (thanks soooo much for printing the picture for me! i love you so much!) sa kfc (softdrinks #3). tapos i went to cubao kasi nga i was looking for a lomo. sabi ni reb meron sa fully booked boni. i thought naman na all fully booked stores have it. so i went to gateway. only to find out that my quest for a lomo was in vain. sadness! walang lomo don. i decided to grab something to eat on my way home. i missed taco bell sooooo much that i devoured quesadilla, some nachos and a large pepsi (softdrinks #4) while cruising the kahabaan of EDSA.

i slept around 8. had no more energy. period.
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