About A Girl

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march 31. 9:48pm

it’s april fools’ day tomorrow! hahaha!

i love april! maybe because this month is more charged with energy compared to other months. i mean, when it’s april, it’s the end of school for students and the start of outings for those who already work. it is one of those months when you would rather get out of bed because it’s sooooo hot during the morning (especially in the afternoon). it’s the best time to get a life and a tan! it’s the perfect time to party!!! add to all those the fact that i celebrate my birthday during april!

i was not at work today. i filed for a leave last friday. why? well, my adviser during my second year in HS (mr. aladeza) asked me to be a guest speaker on the graduation day of (get this!) NURSERY and KINDER I students. the idea was not really new to me. i can remember some time last year, a close friend of mine was asking me about a speech that is to be delivered to kids. i don’t really think that it is a good idea to make a speech that is meant for the kids. i mean, even if they understand, would they remember? it would only be a waste of precious time (and precious saliva hehehe!) if one would attempt to do such a thing. so instead, i told her to address the parents instead.

thursday. i received an invitation from my former adviser. how could i ever say no to him? it was already friday when i read the invitation but was too late for work so i had no chance to give a reply. i asked my supervisor first if i could file a leave and when she said yes, i immediately said yes to the invitation. i had a couple of problems though. one, i had only three days to come up with a speech. and two, i have to give a speech to a bunch of 4- and 5-year olds. now how am i supposed to do that? i figured i simply couldn’t. the idea was just too ridiculous for me. they would not understand. they wouldn’t remember. it wouldn’t give an impact on their lives (which i believe is the main goal of any inspirational talk). so i went for the crazier idea. i gave my speech to the parents, to the teachers and to the administration.

thank you(s)

to mr. aladeza - who has always been a great mentor to me. thank you for giving me the chance to give that speech and thank you for inspiring me to write that speech. it’s because of teachers like you that students like me are inspired to be better people.

to my sister joni - who lent her bag to me. at sa pagmmake-up sakin (because i seriously don’t know how to). thank you thank you thank you!!!! mmmmwwaaahhh! ahahahaha!

to my parents - that speech would not be what it is if it weren’t for you. i wouldn’t be what i am if it weren’t for you.

to my other sister jade - happppyyyy birthdayyyy!! m sooooo proud of you! naks!

to mrs. saet - thank you for the token you gave me. i will use it. hahaha! and thank you so much for having me there today.

to mrs. cuaresma - who convinced me to stay and finish high school there. i was supposed to transfer to another school then. she only talked me out of it. so.. .thank you! i never did regret my staying there for four more years. i’m actually glad i did stay.

to mr. cuaresma - man of a few words (like me huh?!) hehehe! thank you po!

to my teacher cristina espinosa - who taught me lambada! ahahahaha!

to my teacher brenda igtanloc -  my kinder-i teacher.

to mam tani - i saw her today. haaayy!!! i would never have had this thing for computers if it weren’t for you.

to mam racquel - my teacher in PEHM (2nd yr)

to mam oliver - our school nurse

to mam aranda - who gave me that thing with a flower and some leaves that you put on the dress of a speaker (hahaha! di ko alam kung anong tawag don!)

to those people who have been handing me softdrinks and food - super super thank you!

to frank - for giving me a ride home

and most importantly, to God - for not making me burst into tears as i was delivering my speech. to You my dear Father be all glory. thank you! thank you! thank you soooo much!

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it was a rather ordinary morning when i woke up today. like any other morning, i begged my alarm clock for five more minutes of sleep as it buzzed away increasing its volume by the second thus rendering it capable to wake up the entire neighborhood. snooze. snooze. ahhhh.. the power of modern technology. it knows how to respond to "five more minutes… just five more minutes." i was only awaken from my stupor when a thought came to me. i realized that today was a monday. a rather special day because of a characteristic that separates it from the rest of my working days, heavy traffic. add to that the fact that we all just came from a long vacation, thanks to a long weekend brought forth by the observation of lent.  so i hurriedly jumped out of my bed and did my morning routine - the taking of shower, the brushing of teeth, the putting on of my uniform, the checking of my things before i leave, and last but certainly not the least, the skipping of breakfast.

i got to work fifteen minutes early, performed all my duties and before i knew it, it was already lunch. time pass by so quickly nowadays. i nearly did not recognize it has been a year since i first landed a job. a year of day-in and day-out routine that seemed to be pointless at times. hello rat race!

after lunch, i decided to finish some work that has been long past due. i had to encode every patient and their respective identification numbers and some other information on a data sheet. i have been working on this for a while now. and as of this moment, i have but little work to do before i can finally say that i’m done with 2007. so there i was, sitting in front of my good-ol’ friend, a computer, my face laced with a smile. i had only one more month left to encode for last year’s data. at last, at long last, i thought, i could close last year’s book and start anew. dead wrong i was. i opened the file, like any other usual file, unsuspecting the unexpected. one click. file. open. another click. as the file disclosed itself to me, a warning suddenly appeared on the computer. it came with the news that the file that i had been spending a lot of time on these days is now corrupted. as shocked as i was, i still held a little hope that something could still be done to rearrange the whole thing. i tried converting the text remains of the previous table but the whole thing was just too complicated to duplicate. i even pulled the oldest trick out of my hat — ctrl+z, ctrl+z, ctrl+z — nada! nothing happened! the computer seemed helpful though, giving tips and advising me to reopen the program, noting that i would have to look for the open and repair button. and so i did. little did i know that nothing, absolutely nothing could be done. what on high heavens now? i sought help, of course, from those who have spent years studying this technology. help came, did everything seemingly possible but gave up. now with all hopes lost, (and all files lost) i felt as if i was faced with a doctor trying to comfort me with the words "we did everything we can." but nothing more could be done. the file is, indeed, forever lost.

i did not want to bother much but i could not forget and let go of what had just happened. it is a story to tell and perhaps a valuable lesson to be learned and kept in heart. i knew that the file was big but thought it was not big enough and it can be sustained in the computer’s memory. deep inside, i felt as if something was wrong but insisted not to take action. lazy me opened the gate to all that had happened. if i had only given more consideration of the file size and made a new file instead of stacking all the information on that one file, then none of these would have happened. if i had just made a backup file or something of that sort, i would have the chance to redeem myself and all that had been lost. but everything now is in ruins and nothing, nothing could ever bring it back.

if ever there would be something that could still be done besides retyping all that information, that would be a miracle. but so far, as no solution is still presented, i would have to face the consequences and start from scratch, from zero, from zilch. i did not want this to happen. nobody, i suppose did. anyway, what’s done is done. there is no way to go but forward. but for a sorry consciousness and a broken heart that is stuck in the core of a crisis, there are little things, little little things like a pat on the back, a whisper of "it’s going to be okay," a familiar laugh, an unexpected conversation about everything else or a tight minute-long embrace that will make you be at peace with yourself and realize that everything, in time, will turn out for the best. and that amidst my complicated love-hate relationship with myself i have come to know that serenity can be found on that long walk to the nearest starbucks for an ice cold heaven enclosed in a grande cup of java chip frappuccino. and so as I always say, "moving on…"
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i guess when you think too much, you’ll end up having nightmares.

so there i was tossing and turning on my bed last night. i could not sleep. a lot of things has found its way to my mind (again!). i tried reading a novel which would usually put me to sleep in a matter of minutes but i ended up reading pages and pages of it. so i opened my door, got out and brushed my teeth, came back, closed the door, shut my computer down and turned my lights off. even now, with the room pitch black, my mind just seem to not want to sleep. as my body ached and pleaded with my mind to get some rest, there i was tossing and turning on my bed last night.

this morning, just before i got out of bed. i had a bad dream. or i suppose as some people would call it, i had a nightmare. we were in hiding, my sister and i. i suppose we were in a war or something like that. when we saw some soldiers sitting comfortably on the stairs, we ran back to safety. only to find out there is not a safe place where we were. soldiers came and passed by. running as if they owned some sort of super power. screaming and shouting with every step. i peeped through the slightly open door as they passed. as their voices faded, foot steps came closer and closer until it stopped. a push on the slightly open door then came in an officer. he took us to another room, pushed us in and locked the door. i wanted to call home to tell my mom and my dad what had happened to us but i can’t seem to find my phone. i wanted to escape. there were windows that led to a jungle. i looked outside and saw it was about to get dark so i prepared myself for my great escape. and then came a familiar sound…. beep beep.. beep beep… it was my cellphone. i was safely tucked in bed.

it’s funny now that i am thinking about it. the place was so familiar. that’s where i spent six years of my grade-school life. it was exactly the same. the rooms. the hallways. the stairs. except for that jungle outside one of the windows. and when we were captured and taken to another room, the room was air-conditioned actually. we had to put on some more clothes and socks to keep ourselves warm. in a way, it was funny. but it was scary just as well. anyway, i’m still here and i’m still alive. the only question is…. what do i want to do next?
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writer’s block.

quick post!!! i love love love love this song!!!!! david cook is ssssoooooooo damn hot! ha ha ha ha!

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can you believe that it’s already march?! well, i can’t! i can’t believe how fast time passed.

march one. a saturday. i woke up early but didn’t really felt like going anywhere. i had first planned to go to manila but there i was sitting on my bed, my mind still half-asleep. i decided to turn my computer on to check my email. (i haven’t been online for a while. surprise!) some minutes after, reb went online.

it was already past eight when i finally made the choice of going to manila. i wanted to see blessa, of course. besides, i had already planned to go to quiapo. it was already nine when i left the house. an hour later, i found myself at vito cruz. i took another ride to nearby harbor square to eat breakfast.

as i was waiting for blessa, i devoured myself with some belgian waffle and frap. d.h.lawrence capping the menu. an hour later, blessa came in. we talked and talked and talked some more.

starbucks at harbor square. i have always loved that place. i first fell in love with it the first time i came there. if you could only see what i have seen, maybe you could experience the same peace and joy that i have found. i hope someday you will too. because it is beautiful and serene. i only pray to come across that moment when i can finally say that that place is simply magical. because i do believe it is.

that afternoon, i went to quiapo. it was actually my first time to go to carriedo. i thought it would be better to ride the train and get lost than be stuck in traffic. i had to take my chances. i wanted to take my chances. i was actually looking for stores that sell beads. blessa was the first one who took me there. (by far, she is the most thoughtful soul i have ever met.)

after two hours of looking at different beads and items for jewelry making, i finally found myself on my way back to lawton. there, i took a bus to pacita. an hour and a half later, it was 4:30. i was home, enjoying the jollibee spaghetti that tasted sooooo good! that was my lunch.

about me: i always plan. just plan. doesn’t matter if my plans and dreams are put into action. i have always just loved to plan and dream. though i despised the thought of just dreaming… always JUST dreaming. this was one of those moment when i finally said what the heck right? just take a deep breath and dive!

sunday. march two. the plan was to attend the 8am service, go to festival mall and stay there until 2:30 and go back to ccf for the tagalog service for the camera handling training. but i guess God intended it to go another way, i woke up early but decided not to attend the 8am service at church. i just went to the mall to have breakfast with jen. 12nn. we both left. she had to go home and sleep and i had to attend the 12pm service at ccf. it was such a surprise to see lucy (i really haven’t seen her for a long time and it was soooo surreal to just bump into her on my way to church). after the 12pm service, we went to nearby jollibee madrigal to eat lunch. that’s when i saw viviene (she just came back from papua new guinea for a mission), joni (my sister) and their common friend aisha.

3pm. i was back at ccf for the training. i had volunteered to handle the camera for the production ministry. i was really excited when i first read the email about the ministry needing some volunteers. i knew i wanted to do it. i have been just sooooo in love with the camera. i mean, photographs. nonetheless, a camera is still a camera. and i am still interested. besides, i like film too. maybe this is how it is with live shows that we all see on tv. i was quite nervous about it actually. perhaps i was too excited. i love it. i love what i did. i love the thought that i was doing something for God that i am actually passionate for. i was serving in a ministry that before seemed so distant. anyway, it was my first day. i certainly hope this won’t be the last. a quick moment for a rant though, my head hurts. most probably because of the head set. (get used to it, right?)

so there, the almost perfect day. almost… just almost. happy birthday eric!!!!! and belated happy birthday tine!!!!!
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