About A Girl

Today, in a time most unlikely, i found myself sitting across a person who i never thought, not even in my wildest dream, I’d ever share life stories with. Less specifics, let’s just say… “There was an unsuspected victim of an unsuspecting disease.”

It came out of nowhere. There were no signs. No symptoms. Just people. Just people treating you with most care out of pity. Of guilt. Of love for you. Just people. Just people whose eyes refuse to meet yours as to not give away the most life-changing moment that was about to take place. Then the moment of truth. But you don’t want the truth. At least not this kind of truth. It’s not really funny talking about life and death when you know life is pushing you towards the latter. You were but a victim. You didn’t know. Had you been given a choice and chance to take it all back, you’d most probably say that you will do it differently.

Even until now, some twenty-four hours later, my mind still dismisses the idea in hope that there would be some out-of-this-world miracle yet to occur. How are things going to turn out afterward? I still do not know. But then I am very much happy to hear that you believe in reason.. in purpose. Not just because “God has a purpose for everything” is something one says to keep the light of hope from burning out but because it is a profound truth that, most of the time, we only acknowledge when we finally hit a wall. God has a purpose for everything. Complete knowledge and understanding of this purpose may or may not be endowed to each person. The only thing we have to, much more, can do is to trust God.

To live is Christ, to die is gain. Have you ever heard that before?

If there is anything that God has taught me today, it is that life really is not for keeping. It is not for squandering either. It is for sharing and living and enjoying — taking in the good things along with the bad things. But there is always a choice. There is always a choice of how we want to go through things. We can either sulk and spend the remaining days of our lives in misery or we can be hopeful — keeping in mind and heart that that which doesn’t kill us will only make us stronger and that which actually do will only set us free. We always have a choice.

I do not still how to end this. I guess it’s because i’m still in denial. But you.. you have been most bold about your choices in life. You had plans. You had the will and the courage to take on anything. And then this.. You will be able to get through anything.. even this. Just believe. Take heart. Trust God.

Maybe I really do not know how you are feeling especially at a time when your clock is ticking a bit louder.. a bit faster. And maybe I would never understand. But as year ends, so do life folds. Eventually, all our frail and aching bodies would come to rest. And to dust we shall return. We are all but dying mortals. We all are but dying mortals. It’s not really how many years you lived that matters greatly to God… only how you lived out those years. So who needs to live to be a hundred, right?

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it’s Sunday and i had a date with God this morning. although i’m pretty sure he wasn’t really pleased with my late arrival, i know He’s too crazy about me not to forgive me. he he he he!

i went to Starbucks afterwards. the typical sunday morning. i saw Catt who has always been so nice to me.. naaalala nya na ko ngayon.. hehe! pano nakita nya rin ako last week! and she already knows my blend! wahahaha! for today i tried their coffee eclair. it was soooo delicious! delicious but i’m-not-crazy-over-it kind of delicious. it was just delicious!

speaking of scrumptious desserts, i happened to finally visit Max Brenner at Greenbelt (akala ko hanggang description na lang tlga yon ni sir aldrin! buti nalang hindi! ha ha ha!) Max Brenner is a chocolate bar but they do offer meals as well. masarap din yung meat lovers pizza nila. thin crust. sharp flavor which i absolutely loved! masarap! and then there was mud max… argh! mud max! it tasted sooooo good! sobrang sarap! arghhh! i love chocolates and maybe i am a little bit biased (okay im really biased!) but if you like chocolates, you will really like this one! argh! really really good! it has a cake topped with an ice cream on which side rested a thin squared-shaped white chocolate candy. and there were… i’m not sure if they were pili nuts or almonds.. i’m not even sure right now what pili nuts are, the idea just suddenly popped in my head! and it was served with melted chocolate (surprisingly in a 50ml erlenmeyer flask!). you should try it! haay! basta masarap!

going back… i was at starbucks. i ordered my drink and checked out their magazine rack. there it was sitting beautifully with other mags and newspapers… town and country philippines — the only magazine that i am always delighted to read! ohh hello! (maybe i should just make another post for the articles i read this morning… he he he!)

it was half past one when i decided to leave. i thought maybe i could have lunch at that sandwich bar (i think the name’s almon marina? not sure.) or at this other cafe at the third floor… cravings (i think). you see, i was on my way to the third floor when i heard some guy belting out somewhere. it seemed like it was coming from the fourth floor.. so i went there and saw that Eagle Eye was on cinema 5. argh! Shia LaBeouf is sooooo cute! and he’s on his way to being gorgeous! ha ha ha ha! he’s growing up too fast i kind of miss even stevens!

i went to the supermarket after that. i had to wait in line for about twenty minutes just to pay for the items i found in less than ten minutes! ayyy! nakakaloka!

and now i’m really sleepy! maybe i should continue this tomorrow ne? he he he!

good night my dear void.

does it ever occur to you that nothing is really happening in your life? i have been on that road a lot of times already and it seems to me that nothing is going to change about how i feel about my life unless i change my attitude towards it. yeah.. yeah.. it’s sooo easy to say. knowing how my choices have been so conservative the past years, i’d say i’m that person who’s scared to change… to be out there… to be living the life! and yesterday, i was sitting on a bus alongside this guy who is the exact opposite of who i am. he wasn’t afraid to gamble.. to try… “to be out there”… to live. “young at heart,” as Sir Aldrin says. and i do believe he is. sometimes, i even think i look older than he is. ako pa ang ate?! napaka-stress-free nya kasi. and well-traveled if i may say so… i envy him and i could only wish i was half as lucky as he is. sometime next month, he’d be going away and i’d still be treading on the same old path. i guess what i want to say is that, i’m grateful to have met him… to have trodden the same road with him for quite a while. and it just hit me, it’s not the years spent together but the minutes that turned into moments that really matters. so thank you.

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hi bud.. yes… i’m sane yet again. wala na lahat ng angst he he! urgh! i hate him sobra kahapon! gigil na gigil ako sa sobrang galit sa kanya. i have never been soooo enraged in my life! haaay! ang sama ng feeling sobra! ayyy sobrang hindi ko sya madescribe! feeling ko nga may hang-over pa rin ako hanggang ngayon..

well he talked to me this morning. and it’s as if nothing really happened. it was just me who’s not talking to him. i mean, i do talk to him as the need arises but it’s not like before. i don’t ever want to feel that way again. i felt sooo defeated and nauseous. now how’s that for a combination. argh! sobrang sama! sobrang sama ng pakiramdam. he really caught me in a bad mood huh..

thinking about it now, i want to assume na siguro wala lang sa kanya yon and it’s just me who’s overreacting. siguro nga… i had an off day… actually more of an off week. and why am i even writing about that incident still? i feel the same. i still feel horrible! am i that crazy to think that telling you all these can make the pain go away? maybe a heavenly cup of venti java chip frap will..

i should be thankful. i ranted my heart out the other day. i mean… for the first time, i said all the things that i wanted to say.. well… i didn’t curse. thank God! bwiset… bwiset… actually yun lang yung sinasabi ko dahil sobrang inis ko talaga. buti na lng may kasama ako pauwi. kung mag-isa siguro ako tapos sa bus pa, ayyy naku ewan. baka dun pa ko ngiiyak sa sobrang galit. ewan ko ba… marami lang siguro talaga akong unresolved issues na hindi ko mapinpoint kung ano.. i have been thinking soooo much. stress lang siguro tlaga to.

anyway, sabi nga ni fred durst, “What’s done is done. Just leave it alone and don’t regret it.” i’ma keep that post… i have thought of deleting it for one reason or another. pero naisip kong… ako yan. ganyan ako. ganyan talaga ako e. that’s just me being completely and insanely human. kaya hindi na.. hindi ko na yan buburahin. pero sana maging ok na rin ako… haaay! so much for hormonal surges…

i was alright today. late na rin ako nakauwi but who cares. he he he! nakatulog nga ako sa bus e. sobrang himala no… pampatulog talaga yung allen edwards lecture na yon ha ha ha! so naligaw pa ko sa sm kanina bago umuwi. marami ngang plato dun gaya ng sabi ni jeds. at may nakita akong maganda! ;D

sir aldrin and ema were talking this morning. pupunta kasi ng poea si sir aldrin tapos nagtatanong si ema tungkol sa mga nakapost na job opening dun. haaay! nakakainggit… really looking forward to that first airplane ride… sana next year… you know the more i think about it, the more i realize how conservative my choices have been… how quiet i have been with what i love and with what makes me happy… i have been in hiding for the longest time. just imagine how forgettable i am.. little miss antisocial… ang hirap magpakainvi.. stealth settings on…\

gnyt dear boyd.

aaayyyy naku! talaga bang hindi ako matatahimik for this week?! eto ah, thursday… ang ganda na ng simula ng araw ko. maaga akong nagising. nakasakay sa isang bus na hindi pa puno. at take note nakatulog pa ako sa bus kanina after a looooong while na hindi ko yun ginawa. nakinig pa ko kay pastor chip kanina. nakapagbreakfast sa mcdo. at in time for work!

tapos sa collection kanina. wala yung mga stickers ng specimen cup. hindi yun toxic kasi ginawan naman ni ema agad ng paraan yon. ambilis nga e. tska maaga kaming nakatapos considering na ang dami parin pasyente kanina.

nung hapon, hindi na talaga maganda yung pakiramdam ko. yung tipong magkakatonsilitis ka na ewan… e pano ka ba naman hindi magkakasakit.. e ang init init sa pent house (dun kami nagpapacollect ng specimen) tapos pawis ka na pag tapos ng collection… tapos bababa kayo sa isang air-conditioned na kwarto. panong hindi magkakasakit non?

eto yung kwento jan.. nung hapon sobrang hindi ko na alam ang gagawin kasi sobrang sama na talaga ng pakiramdam ko. so parang plano ko lang na tapusin yung work ko tapos uuwi na ko ng maaga. e kaso naman yung naglilinis ng microscope.. dumating! perfect timing naman tong si manong no… e di ayos lang sige… maghintay.. dahil wala naman talaga akong ibang magagawa. may isang insidente lang kanina na talagang hindi ko napigilang mapikon! as in!! sobrang nagagalit ako sa kanya. ayokong magalit kaya hindi ko talaga napigil umiyak kanina! sobrang bwwiiiiisseeeet! bwiset!!!! sige fine.. hands down. salamat dahil tinulungan nya akong magbasa ng slide. pero naman! napakaliit naman nung bagay na hinihiling ko tapos parang napakadefensive nya pa! ang hinihingi ko lang naman e magrecord ng full details kung sinong nagbasa ng slide sa auramine at kung ano yung reading nung taong yon sa slide! ano ba! mahirap ba yon?!?!?! sabi mo hindi mo alam kung sino… o di sige patingin na lang nung slide… nung hinahanap ko na yung slide, hindi mo pa rin alam kung nasan?! san mo ba huling iniwan? yun lang naman yon! kinakausap kita ng maayos pero kung sumagot ka parang napakadefensive! na parang pinagbibintangan kita o kung ano man! well pasensyahan tayo dahil wala ako sa mood magpasensya ngayon. dahil mas bata ako sayo, feeling mo ok lang na ganyan ganyanin lang ako. well sorry ka! siguro nga nageexaggerate lang ako sa mga reaksyon ko. siguro nga masama lang tlaga yung pakiramdam ko kanina kaya nagooverreact ako. pero ang kinasasama lang naman ng loob ko.. the other day, you were talking to me about that issue of how others are claiming that you are not cleaning your workplace. you were defending yourself to me saying that the area in question was not your workplace. i listened to your side of the story. i believed your fucking side of the story. and i honestly thought you are just misunderstood. well i was fucking wrong! today you just proved to me how right other people are about you! i am really really mad at you! to think i was ready to talk to them on your behalf. thank God hindi ko ginawa yon! you obviously don’t give a shit about anything! you think you are always right! and you don’t care how others feel! ang galing mo! ang galing galing mo! shit ka! galit na galit ako sayo! i shouldn’t be wasting my tears on you! pero ayokong magalit sayo kaya naiiyak ako sa sobrang panggigigil sayo! i wanted to believe there was just something about you that people don’t see or understand. at tatanga-tanga na naman ako! well you just made me see what others saw and disliked about you. naiinis ako! naiinis ako sayo! shit ka dahil pinaiyak mo ko! how ’bout being a little more sensitive about how others feel! how ’bout shut up, stop being defensive and listen to what other people has to say! if you ever get to read this, then fine. at least alam mong galit na galit ako sayo ngayong araw na to! at kung gusto mo ring magalit, e di bahala ka sa buhay mo! basta ako, eto na yon. period. i got no beef with you anymore. you made me cry once and i don’t want it to happen ever again. whatever happened today belongs to the past but don’t fucking mess with me again.

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haay! toxic ng umaga kong nakakabadtrip! he he he! halata naman no sir jet? sorry naman! e pano kung bababa pa, uulit na naman sa pagaayos ng gamit, syempre matotoxic ako. peace kuya! nyahahaha!

tapos eto pa yan. bigla nalang akong hinimatay kagabi! pag gising ko (buti na lang ginising ako ng tatay kong gwapo) alas-singko na! kamusta naman yung pagmamadali ko kanina! buti na lang may bbl na dumaan agad. yun nga lang late ako. weno naman e one minute lang naman yon. pwede nman yun diba? he he he!

sinabi ko na dun ke sir choy (yung i.t samen) yung mga reklamo ko sa nakakatoxic nyang pulmonary evaluation sked. buti na lang pumayag si m tek na magset ng oras para sa mga super rush! kundi matotoxic pa rin kami sa pageedit nung time. ang daming click non no! hirap pang i-manual! nakakalito! sana magawa na he he he! yun nga lang di na ako yung recep next week.. nyak!

may opening daw sa ritm. dun sa dati kong pinanggalingan. 3 months din akong naging extern don. nung unang month, keri naman. masaya kasi syempre iba iba ang ka-duty. tapos extraction lang naman. pero di rin naman ako masyado natuto sa urinalysis tska cbc. asa pa ko! ewan ko ba kung bakit hirap na hirap akong magdifferentiate ng mga nakikita sa urine. di ko nga alam kung alin ang rbc sa wbc. engot no? parang di medtech… he he he he! mamamatay lahat ng pasyente ko nito e! tapos di rin ako marunong sa cbc. pang-extraction at paperworks lang ata tlga ako e. parang mas magaling pa ata akong magcomputer kesa magbasa ng mga slide! ano ba!

iniisip ko kung magandang move ba ang bumalik don. (hahaha! teka! ayun e kung tatanggapin nila ako!) kasi eto ah.. malapit lang yon sa bahay namin. tipong 30 mins lang andun na ko! malapit lang yun sa festival. kung gusto kong gumala pag uwi, pwede! less ang gastos kasi super mura lang ng pamasahe! kumbaga pwede na kong magkape sa starbucks araw araw kumpara sa binabayad ko lang sa bus at LRT ngayon na nagwwork ako sa manila. siguro naman malaki ang sweldo don.. i mean, at least mas mataas ng ospital. tska siguro naman nagreregular sila don. pero ewan ko ba… parang gusto ko na rin sa slec. ok mga katrabaho.. ok lang din naman ang sweldo. kasya naman. ok din yung workload. ok na ok yung sked kasi walang weekends. db? db? nagkakaganito lang naman ako dahil alam kong aalis na yung mga kasama namin e. magiging bayani na silang lahat! tamang tama… maiiwan na lang ako sa pilipinas para ipagpatayo sila isa isa ng rebulto. he he he! kung aalis ako… KUNG! siguro aalis lang ako dahil hindi ko kakayanin na umalis na silang lahat. nakakalungkot lang. at siguro… may part din na naiinggit. maraming diskushon to e.. kesho kung aalis ako, dun ba ako magsstay.. kung san man yon. e kung ako lang naman… nabubuhay naman ako dito db? nakakapaggala.. nakakapagipon (maliit nga lang).. pwede rin naman akong magabroad.. pero gusto ko turista lang… pero saka na.. pag may maganda na kong cam. siguro dito muna ako. tutal naman nageenjoy pa ko. ang gago gago ko kasi! pwede ba maging twenty-two naman ako kahit isang taon lang! para naman kasing ang tanda tanda ko na no! siraulo!!! siraulo!!!!!

late na ko nakauwi kanina. pa’no nagtotoxic toxican hehehe! ambagal ko kasing magbasa ng ZN. mamaya na ulit ang kwento he he he!

lunes. september 15, 2008.

toxic kaninang umaga dahil yung supposedly touch screen na monitor e hindi nakikisama. pero ok lang naman din. madali naman magtype at isa pa wala ako sa mood ma-badtrip. gusto ko man itext yung i.t na salarin sa mga pangyayaring ito (ha ha ha!) wala sa tabi ko yung telepono kong walang load.

at dahil lunes nga, wala naman masyadong gawa. bahala ka na lang magtoxic-toxican.. kaya naisip kong gawin na yung mga paperworks para sa mga susunod na araw na pwede ko nang gawin agad.

alam mo eto ah. kanina nakausap ko yung kabarkada ko nung college. sabi nya, “feeling ko wala ng nangyayari sakin..” hindi naman bago yon diba? kung ako, pakiramdam ko nga rin wala nang nangyayari sakin e.

nung hapon, bago kami umuwi, pinaguusapan na nila kung san sila pupunta. ang mga ‘next breed’ ng mga ‘bagong bayani’. yessss! at balak na talaga nilang magsilayas sa pinas. nalulungkot lang ako. badtrip! na-post ko na to last time e (english nga lang last time hehehe). kasi naman! xmpre pag umalis sila maiiwan ako dito. e kung umalis na lang kaya ako? basta nakakainggit lang minsan magplano.. ewan ko.. hindi ko nga alam kung gusto ko tong ginagawa ko e. med tech? med tech forever? kung hindi med tech, ano?

tpos eto pa. yung gusto kong gawin, hindi ko naman magawa. nakakainis na hindi pa ako makapaglagay ng specifics dito. saka na siguro. hehehe! siguro pag nakalimutan ko na yung mga gusto kong sabihin.

naiinggit tuloy ako dun sa mga dati kong post. nasan na ba ung “ako” na nagsulat non? bakit sya kaya nyang magbanggit ng specifics? parang puro hulaan na tong mga recent kong posts e. wala masyadong specifics.

masaya yung mga internship days, maraming specifics. parang naeexperience mo ulit yung nangyari. yun nga lang nakakabatong basahin, pano ang haba!

ewan ko nga ba, basta ako. hindi pa ko sure. aalis o hindi? aalis o hindi? i guess there’s a lot here that i can’t afford to give up. at least not now. maybe time will reveal… ayun oh hahahaha! kadiri!

not making much sense kaya matutulog na ko! may house pala ngayon! wahahahaha! nakakaantok tong si josh groban! nytnyt bud!

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ay grabe! so siraulo talaga yung may-ari ng blog na to. biruin mo ba naman na natulog ng 2 a.m. e may pasok ng 7 a.m. sa work!

ang saya ko! nakapagpuyat ako. natulog. at praise the Lord! hindi na-late. maraming maraming salamat naman kay sir aldrin na nagdala ng sasakyan kanina kaya mabilis lng ang byahe, libre pa!

ok naman ako kanina. no hormonal imbalance whatsoever.. pero nung bandang hapon na at malapit na kaming matapos magbasa ng slide, sobrang antok na antok na antok na antok na ko! as in pwede na kong dumukdok na lang dun sa may table at siguradong tulog ako!

nung umuwi, napadaan kami sa paseo de magallanes. first time ito! ang tagal tagal ko nang gustong pumunta don. pero hello! wala naman akong karu para mag-gala dun no! kanina, nagkayayaan sa dayrits kaya pumunta kami. ayy first time ko din sa dayrits. kung dati kwento kwento lng, eto totoo na talaga! roasted beef yung order. ang sarap! ang sarap talaga! as in! wala akong ibang masabi kundi masarap! langit na langit! lagpas pa! he he he! sana makabalik, try ng ibang food. pero mas masaya kung makapunta sa ibang lugar na hindi ko pa napupuntahan. hmmm, say… greenbelt. he he he!

ayy nakalimutan kng sabihin na first time ko din na nakarating sa cartimar! susme! andun lang pala yon sa may likod ng LRT. at walking distance lang. gusto ko nga sana tumingin ng orchids tska ng ibang halaman. haaay! namimiss ko na yung mini-garden ko nung bata pa ko. gusto ko ulit yon. tutal naman wala na kong masyadong gnagawa ngayon. hindi na mahirap magalaga ng halaman ulit! yesss! old times! ha ha ha!

last. hindi ko akalaing maappreciate ko yung soul in love na album ni jay-r.  yung filipino singer na nasa GMA. oo, basta sya na yon. he he he! at ilalagay ko sya sa aking mahiwagang ipod. gusto ko na rin maglagay ng pics, yun nga lang di pa ko marunong. hala! bukas na at inaantok na ko! di ko na kayang magpuyat ulit! nagpapakahealthy na nga db?! hehehehe!

pahabol. last na talaga. mageexercise na talaga ko! sayang talaga si shaun t. miss na miss ko na yung cardio workout video nya! naevict kasi sa veoh tv yung video nya e. at dahil don, inevict ko na rin sa pc ko ang veoh! sayang lang ang space! he he he! hanap pa ko ng ibang exercise vid kasi mejo nakakabato yung belly dancing vid na nakuha ko. he he! at syempre wala akong binabanggit about watching my diet! hmmm… no comment!

at super last na… sirang sira na yung budget ko! na lalo pang sisirain ng outing sa manila east ba yon?! o kung san man yon! badtrip talaga! dapat na maging maganda yung lugar na yon! at dapat lang na hindi umulan nung mga panahong yon! para hindi nman masyadong nakakahinayang! october pa naman pero kahit na! sirang sira na talaga yung budget ko pramis!

hellboy 2 na! nood kayo!

pare koi. napapansin mo bang hindi na ko nagsusulat lately? kaya siguro nappraning na naman ako.

anyway, i’m supposed to sleep early.. but here i am, (it’s half past twelve now), still up and doodling some nonsense post to send to cyberspace. actually, i meant to write this post earlier but then found myself chatting with friends. i was able to talk with carla (former classmate-slash-always-a-groupmate carla. she’s a great leader. at least i think so. she’s just so up and ready to go. she’s very willing to get the job done. great girl. she has a son, two-year old caden lorenzo. man! what a name! great name.. caden. really cute! way to go! anyway she’s taking up med at UE and she needs swiss mice for her thesis he he!). then i talked with reb.. saying that this version of the friendster blog does not support videos! darn-A! hehehe! then i talked with kael.. who told me “mahirap magabroad.” i think everyone here in the Philippines know that but there are still those brave souls who are willling to take the chance.

here’s the thing… people at the place i’m working for right now are planning to break out of the country and join the next batch of “Mga Bagong Bayani.” nakakalungkot! i know this may sound silly, but i think this is the reason i’m having this emotional outbursts/hormonal imbalance. the last time a good friend of mine left, i found myself busting out in tears at Starbucks! i cared not of what people will say then. i was just there and i happened to be heartbroken period! so i think when the time comes, i hope later rather than sooner, i would do the same (bleeping) thing. maybe, it’s that i’m not just sad because they are leaving but it’s also because i’m the one left behind.. and that’s just painful. straight-up painful.

i’m torn between having to go with the flow and having enough balls to stay and make it out here alive. i mean cmon let’s face it. it’s hard to earn your keep here in the Philippines. you have to work hard (and if you’re really out of luck, you might not even keep yourself upfloat). but having to go abroad takes a lot of effort just as well.. and there are greater risks, both financial and personal risks. i mean a lot of relationships are destroyed by merely going abroad. can i take the distance? i’m scared…ohh yea! hell yea i’m scared… that maybe i won’t last a day on foreign shores. i mean what if i fail.. i think that’s the bigger issue here. i’m scared to fail. it’s as if i can’t take in failure so much that i would rather not try at all. i know… i know… that’s not a good thing. but can you blame me? i still have to find out what’s important to me.. if i would have all the riches in the world… what then would i have gained? would that make me any more joyful? if no, then thank you.. then there’s this theory… maybe i could just stay here and be productive enough to prove that there are greener pastures even here in the Philippines.

home will always be home. and for me, this is home. i may travel someday. i mean i would really like that.. but i think this, right here, is home for me.

argh! enough of the sappy stories. yesterday was a horrible day! just downright HORRIBLE! urgh! i wasn’t feeling very well. in fact, i felt sooo sick i wanted to vomit my guts out! i was going through a very bad day with a very bad temper. and i just wanted to cry! i felt soooo helpless! and then it got worse when i went home that afternoon. it was traffic and there was literally NO BUS at the terminal. i CAN NOT GO HOME! i had to wait in line for around an hour just to get a ride home. and i was sooooo hungry and thirsty! and i had nothing but a box of hello panda. i had to ask this guy in front of me to save a place for me behind him so i could buy some water. and man! did i devour on that box of hello panda! ohhh man! it tasted sooooo delicious! i was that hungry! and get this, i was excited about the mineral water i had! tuwang-tuwa ako sa mineral water! i was soooo hungry! i was that hungry! and my head was starting to hurt… and then my lower abdomen started to hurt too… i wanted to cry! damn! i really really wanted to cry! when i got home, i rang the bell a lot of times because i can’t even afford to look for my keys. then i got in.. threw my things on the floor.. removed my shoes and my socks and my pants and poof! i was off to bed! and while there already lying on my bed, i can’t sleep! somehow, amidst all the tired feeling i had, i just can’t sleep! then i started to cry my ass off.. somehow.. i did manage to get some sleep.

today, i was late. a minute late. and i could only care less! i mean i was soooo tired! i had a horrible day! it was just horrible! i don’t care if i’m late. today, i just didn’t care! and here i am, still pounding away these keys. and i’m really glad i’m online. wait! just this afternoon.. well, after work, we went to kenny rogers to eat. it’s kind of weird for me because we don’t really eat out always. i mean, it was just last week that we ate at joey’s, wasn’t it? which leads me to thinking that maybe they are going away soon! oh my! why am i even saying this! ganon na ba kabilis? sobrang yaya sila ng yaya every time na kumain sa labas! BAKIT?!?! but the idea is great! good times… great times!

last story. i was watching human weapon a while ago. it’s one of those shows at the history channel and it focuses on different martial arts. today, they featured eskrima stickfighting and they went here in the Philippines. the thing here is they spend a little time in one place and learn some things about a certain martial art and at the end of the show, fight with a champion.. or maybe someone who is more experienced about the featured martial art. they mentioned about bugs and mosquitoes (hello! of course you’re out in the jungle! i mean what do you expect?!) and then they were taken to this place where they would fight a champ. oohhh man it was sooo funny! they were taken to this place.. the bleachers were made out of sticks nailed together and there were a lot of people cheering for the Filipino fighter. and the guys from that show weren’t given a place where they could regroup or change their clothes or something. and i think they didn’t expect it to be like that. it was just sooo provincial. and i heard one of them saying “now i know how Gladiators felt in Rome.” and they got to watch a cockfight — one of them commenting (this is bill talking to jason)… “isn’t this the most brutal fight you’ve ever seen? do you want to be the human version of that?” and then the fight began, the eskrima stickfight that is. i just felt sooo sorry for the guy. they had no protective gear on. all they had were sticks enclosed in thin pads. that’s it! game on. jason’s up for the challenge. he tried using the tricks he learned but it was just not his day! man! he got pounded so hard! for his every hit, his opponent landed two. it was just plain brutal. i mean, cmon, you get hit by a stick without protective gear. it’s really tough! anyway, the fight ended after two rounds because his filipino opponent landed a good one on jason’s index finger. come back here again you guys! he he he!

it’s two A.M.. tell me… why am i really happy to still be up when i know i have to get up after three hours anyway? i miss you buddy! hope to hear some good news soon. haay you wouldn’t understand… i really missed you. this is me… this is the “me” that i miss.. the one who writes.. ahem! let me rephrase that… the one who stays up late to write..

see you bud! good night! mmmmmmwah!