About A Girl

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gusto sana kitang tawagan kanina kaso naisip ko iba na pala ngayon. sana nandito ka na lang. hindi ka maniniwala. kanina, nakita ko na yung masamang bersyon ko. parati kong iniisip dati kung paano ko dapat magalit. kung anong linyang sasabihin ko. kung mambabato ba ko ng kung anong bagay. o kung magwwalk-out na lang ba ko. kanina kasi parang ang bilis nangyari ng lahat. napakaspontaneous. importante pa bang ikwento kung anong nangyari? siguro hindi na. kasi ako ayokong nakikipagtalo. pero anong nangyari sakin kanina? sinapian ng masamang espirito?! walang malupit na excuse para sa mga sinabi ko. sa umaatikabong “umalis ka!” na binitawan ko. buti nalang pala di na ko palamura ngayon kundi baka sa ospital na ko pinulot. akala ko dati hindi ko kayang gawin yon. na sabihin kung anong nararamdaman ko ng hindi nagiisip. pero mali talaga e. kahit ano pang ginawa nung taong yun sakin. mali pa rin ako. hindi naman ako dapat nakikipagusap ng ganun. parang gusto ko ring magalit sa sarili ko pero para san pa? mali bang minsan ipagtanggol ko rin yung sarili ko? dapat bang manahimik na lang ako kapag alam kong inaagrabyado na ko? sana nandito ka na lang. kundi ko man sayo sabihin lahat ng sama ng loob ko at least man lang may kasama akong tatawa sa mga kagaguhan ko. o sana sayo ko nalang sinabi lahat ng mga sinabi ko kanina. mas madali sigurong humingi ng dispensa at makipag-ayos. na kung satin lang din naman mangyayari yon, parang wala lang. isang malaking laugh trip lang. pero hindi e. wala ka na rin. hindi ko na rin pwedeng sabihin sayo lahat to. sana nandito ka na lang. sana ganun pa rin katulad ng dati. pag nandito ka kasi, parang madaling ayusin lahat. parang may peace of mind kahit magulo lahat.

wala akong excuse para sa nangyari. hindi naman ako talaga ganun. at ayokong maging ganun. ayokong makasakit ng iba. kahit i-provoke ako. basta… ayoko ng ganitong pakiramdam. sana nandito ka na lang.

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gone from the blogging world for awhile but i’m back. was i busy? heck no. was it because of work? nope. was it because of a boyfriend? i wish! was it because of a new business? can’t even start one. hello! was i out of town? man, i hope so! well… where was i? palazzo… palazzo casino.

do you think it’s bad to play poker? well… i don’t know. i haven’t checked with my conscience yet. afraid it will say yes. not playing in a “for real” casino though. i’ve never been in one. it’s one of those games in the internet. on facebook actually. i’m starting to fall in love with facebook. sorry, friendster. but i still love you. i would’ve packed all my stuff and moved there if i didn’t.

there… texas hold’em got a hold of me. i love playing poker. as bad as it may sound, i kind of learn from the game. like when to fold. when to stand your ground. when to take charge. it challenges you in a way that is sometimes taunting and annoying and you would want to just click that “all in” button even if you feel like it’s not right. you just want to because you are pissed off that another player keeps raising and raising the stakes. it shouldn’t be like that. patience is a virtue, they would say. and it’s true. it’s true with poker as it is with life. it’ll teach you how to cope especially when on a losing streak. again, patience. and it’s fun to play. before there was this game.. a downloadable one. it was a good game of poker. the thing is… you are just playing with a computer. you are not playing with another human being. you cannot interact or connect or say ‘hey, good hand’ or ‘good game’ or whatever. i find it much nicer to play at facebook because i can share the moment with other people. i can relate to people who loves poker just like me. and i guess that’s one innate character of a human being… the longing for a connection.

well… there. as i’ve said before, you win some. you lose some. but in the end, you will just have to play with what you’ve got.

that poker thing took most of my time the last ten days. the other thing that kept me busy is pet society. oh my.. you would not believe this… it’s another game at facebook! it’s just fun. a friend of mine told me about it. (thanks reb) i found it really funny. so there.

oh and i got my planner already. i got a bag too. and a complimentary drink. cool huh? i got so excited about the bag. it’s not as i expected it though. love it still. and the complimentary drink! just what i needed! so thanks!

and… hmmm…. well…. nothing more. that’s about it. wait! me and my sister went to let’s face it yesterday. and boy did my face hurt like hell! it’s the facial from hell! i swear! having a facial hurts! and i actually paid for that facial! i paid them to hurt me! sounds masochistic, right? damn! so much for fighting acne!

well… that’s life so far. good night my dear.

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maaga na. umaga na. inaantok pero ayaw pa ring matulog.

nung isang araw, nagpunta ko ng sm. sabi ko research. research kung anong lasa ng chicken ala king. sabi kasi ni corazon (omma!) meron daw sa greenwich non. e bago pa ko magtanong sa kanya, may nakita na kong recipe. parang madali naman kaso hindi ko maimagine kung anong lasa. masarap naman yung sa greenwich. pero mas gusto ko pa rin pizza nila.

nakakita rin ako nung kasunod ng vince’s life. nabasa ko yun nung college. wala lang. curious lang ako kung makakaget-over si vince kay andrea. hmmm good choice. kaso parang mas gusto ko yung unang book. parang may kung ano dun kasi sa pangalawa. bitin. ewan! di ko nafeel. hmmm… fast forward.

haay… it seems marami akong kakilalang umaalis. punta ng amerika o kung san mang lupalop. swerte kaya ako. hehehe! kasi ako hindi umaalis. it’s nice though. kasi they’re always online. may communication pa rin kahit pano. yun nga lang super layo. at minsan wala na tlagang mapagusapan. hehehe!

uy pag-alis. kanina galing kami sa burol nung nanay ng kasama namin sa work. wala lang. naisip ko lang. ikli din ng buhay no. hindi ko nga alam kung gusto ko bang iburol ng isang linggo o wag na. siguro tama na yung tatlong araw. tapos gusto ko sana cremate na lang. tapos yung mga picture na maiipon ko (kaya sana magkaroon na ko ng astig na camera) ibibigay ko sa mga kaibigan ko. tapos maraming maraming pagkain. yung mga gusto kong niluluto. tsaka dapat masarap. dahil masarap akong magluto hahahaha! kapal! tapos dapat umuulan ng coke. dapat lahat ng taong pupunta sa burol ko iinom ng coke. coke lang hindi pwede ibang softdrinks. bawal juice. sige pwede na yung tubig. pwede rin ang java chip frap kung may pera pa yung magpapaburol sa kin. sige pwede na rin ang kape. pero black coffee ang gusto ko. pwede din yung strong coffee ng san mig ata. kung pwede lang may computer pa sana. dapat may internet. tapos nakalagay don yung mga gusto kong webpages. tapos dapat may kanta din. yung mga songs, yung nasa ipod ko. keri lang kahit rock o bubblegum pop o kaya boyband at girl band. basta gusto ko yung kanta, pwede yun sakin. tapos gusto ko yung mga paborito kong unan nasa kabaong ko rin. hehehe! tska dapat maganda ako! sana.. tapos yung damit ko. pwede kayang shirt pants at chucks? tutal susunugin din naman ako pagtapos. ayy hindi. siguro dress na lang. red, green o kaya black. hmmm sige na nga white na lang. sana maraming pumunta. hehehe! box office.

dapat siguro matulog na ko. pupunta pa ko ng palengke para sa mga lulutuin ko. haays! di ko pa nga alam kung anong masarap. ano ba? adobo na naman. pero paborito ko yon. chicken ala king. na hindi ko alam kung panong lutuin. caldereta. na gustung gusto ng tatay kong gwapo. bagasin. kasi hindi ko dinurog yung atay at kulang ang sili ko last time. tinola. kasi nakakamiss lang. sinigang. para may sabaw. gusto ko rin ng leche flan. para may dessert. hayyy! bukas na… mamaya pala. at manonood din ako ng dvds bukas. hahhaha! im sure wala na naman akong magagawa maghapon! o xa…

good night my dear void.

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Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann’d:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

– Christina Georgina Rossetti

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So many faces, so many races
Different voices, different choices
Some are mad, while others laugh
Some live alone wit no better half
Others grieve while others curse
And others mourn behind a big black hearse
Some are pure and some half bred
Some are sober and some are wasted
Aome are rich because of fate and
Some are poor with nofood on their plate
Some stand out while others blend
Some are fat and stout while some are thin
Some are friends and some are foes
Some have some while some have most

Chorus:
Every color and every hue
Is represented by me and you
Take a slide in the slope
Take a look in the kaleidoscope
Spinnin round, make it twirl
In this kaleidoscope world

Some are great and some are few
Others lie while some tell the truth
Some say poems and some do sing
Others sing through their guitar strings
Some know it all while some act dumb
Let the bassline strum to the bang of the drum
Some can swim whie some will sink
And some will find their minds and think
Others walk while others run you can’t talk peace and have a gun
Some are hurt and start to cry
Don’t ask me how don’t ask me why
Some arre friends and some are foes some have some while some have most

(Repeat chorus)

Kaleidoscope world…
In this kaleidoscope world…

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wala na si kiko. umiiyak naman si gloc 9 habang nagra-rap sa eat bulaga nun sabado. hindi ko sila parehas kilala. pero siguro ganun tlga yon. pag nawala yung taong importante sayo, maiiyak ka. maraming makakaalala syempre. master rapper ba naman. pano mo papalitan. malaking kawalan. at nakakainggit na rin. ikaw ba naman ang mabuhay bilang isang francis m. tapos ngayon uuwi ka na sa totoo mong bahay, sinong hindi maiinggit sa ganon. sana masaya pa rin sya. nagra-rap pa rin kahit sa langit.

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bakit ganyan yung title?

may take two ba?

ang galing ko. ang galing galing ko talaga!

nung linggo, sa awa ng Diyos, nakapagsimba ako. dun ko nalaman yung tungkol sa muling pagbabalik ng MV Doulos sa Maynila. marami silang mga program. meron ding meet the crew sessions. at meron ding book fair. largest floating book fair.

nung linggo din, nagtext ako sa tatlong tao. nag-imbita lang. baka kako gusto nilang makakita ng barkong maraming libro. sampung-piso lang kako yung bayad. sige naman sila. mga excited din katulad ko. sangkaterbang plano ang sumunod dun.

sabi nung kabarkada ko ng college, tuesday after school. nag-aaral pa kasi sila. natuwa naman ako kasi kahit alam kong toxic sa kanila, pumayag pa rin silang sumama.

e tuesday na ngayon. tuloy na tuloy na. tumawag pa ko nung tanghali sa infoline ng doulos para siguraduhing sampung piso lang tlga yung bayad. oo naman daw. at kung may flyer kang dala, libre na ang boarding pass. e di mas lalo naman akong natuwa.

nagkita-kita kami sa mcdo. kumain muna xmpre. tapos pumara ng taxi dahil hindi namin alam kung san yung pier 13. nasa south harbor na kami. nasa loob. tinanong kung nasan na ba yung malaking barko na maraming libro. laking gulat ko naman. march 6 pa pala! anak ng malaking tinapay! wala pa pala sa maynila yung barko! march 3 palang ngayon at friday pa sila darating!!!! ang galing! ang galing galing ko talaga! di naman kami masyadong excited no?!

kunsabagay, sakin ok lang. nakakatawa lang tlga.. ang tungeks tungeks! si reigna saka si blessa. matagal ko nang di nakikita. kaya kung sa ganito lang kami ulit magkikita-kita kahit puno ng kagagahan ang nangyari, ayos lang! wag lang sanang may bumagsak sa quiz bukas hehehehe! saya pa rin. ang south harbor, nauwi sa harbor square. ang “review,” nauwi sa kwentuhan. at ang kagagahan ko, nauwi sa kasiyahan! sarap! sana college na lang ako ulit.

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sayang reigna, may dala ka pa namang camera. picture namin nung bago kong boylet ah pakiupload hehehehe! sana talaga tuloy na to sa friday… haaays….