About A Girl

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nyahaha! sorry sa mga naskandalo sa huli kong post. pasensya na kasi wala na tlga kong pambili ng gamot hehehe! kaya yan kung ano anong naiisip ko. anyway, ok na po ako. ayan binobroadcast ko na. bigyan nyo na lang ako ng pambili. hopefully e di na to maulit ulit! hehehe!

at salamat din dun sa nacurious. sa nagtanong. at dun sa nakwentuhan ko. ayun. ok na yun.

moving on… he he he!

sabi nila maganda raw yung terminator…. makanood nga. buti na lang may nagsabi sakin na hindi naman papalitan ni batman si terminator. si batman daw yung anak ni sarah connor?! ewan ko kung totoo yun, pero yun ay ayon sa chismis na narinig ko. at dahil jan manonood na ko. malalaman ko bukas kung totoo yan. hopefully… hehehe!

kanina. nagcashflow kami. answerte ko naman kasi pumunta si jame. antagal ko na kasing hindi sya nakikita. sabi nya sakin nagrereview sya for ascp. sabagay kasi may family naman sya sa US kaya ok lang magabroad sya. nakakamiss naman si msjamie! makulit pa rin sya. parang si teshi hehe! sayang hindi namin sya kasama sa uste. ang gulo siguro nun kung magkita sila ni reigna hahaha! nakakamiss na yung dorm! siyet!

ala una na pala. di ko man lang narealize. hahaha! nakalimutan ko pang alas dies na ata kami umuwi. hahaha! maaga pa nga yun e. hindi ko naman makukuhang umuwi ng madaling araw! baka hindi na ko makapasok ng bahay namin hahaha! pwera na lang siguro kung mga barkada nung HS ang kasama. hays! e unti unti na silang nagaabroad… naman! sumunod na kaya ako para wala nang problema hehehe!

pumunta rin pala ko ng uste after namin magrenew ng prc license. dalawa na anak ni teshi pero hindi pa rin sya nagbabago! hahaha! ankulit pa rin. kamukha nya rin yung anak nyang babaeng cute na mukhang maldita hahaha! tapos pumunta naman kami ni blessa sa uste after. para sana sunduin si reigna for lunch. kaso sobrang toxic nya. next year ggraduate na sya. grabe! ambilis… sarap bumalik ng ust. lalo na ngayon na maayos na sya. buti naman naisip nila yung mga construction at renovation na ganun. he he! at syempre forever tokyo tokyo kami. malapit nang magpasukan. toxic na ulit mga tao. like always. pano na lang yung photo op sa intramuros. after ten years ulit?! hehehe!

hala! may 31 na pala bukas!!!!!!!! maeexpire na yung panlibre ko ng kape. tsktsk! buy one take one maeexpire ng ganun ganun lang… hays! sayang naman. kaya yan magagawan yan ng paraan hehe! e di dalawa ang kapeng inumin bukas problema ba yun hehehe! an adik!

good night my dear.. good morning na pala. ayun. bukas na ulit

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hindi ko alam kung gusto kong masaktan o matawa. nakakaasar pa nyan hindi ko naman makwento. pero siguro nga mali ako. maling mali tlga. ewan ko.. sabi learn from your mistakes daw. hindi ko na naman alam kung anong gagawin ko pagtapos nito. i know i know. im not making any sense at all. pero bakit ko pa pahihirapan yung sarili ko. anjan na yan e. does this mean na walang tiwala sakin? shet badtrip. kung ano ano na namang pumapasok sa makulit kong kukote. kaylangan ko ng coke. yun lang.

eto lang naman e, kung magsasabi ba ako, may makakaintindi ba sakin?

ayoko ko na ng coke. frap na lang. masamang masama pala tlga loob ko.

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i just spent half an hour trying to convince my mom not to sell my grandparents’ house. SAYANG! as in SAYANGGGGG!!! i hope she was listening to me. she does not even have to think about this one. kung ako lang si lola, magagalit talaga ako sa kanya. hehehe! kidding aside. there’s so much potential in that house. sayang naman kung ibebenta nya. besides, she witnessed how her mom saved if not scrimped just to be able to pay for that property. i didn’t know my grandmother. i don’t have a memory of her but i know she’s a smart woman. she thought more of passive than earned income. even after she passed away, she (and my lolo, of course) left something to support her children. it’s a corner lot for crying out loud! it’s in a very good location. i mean what more can you ask for? the structure is already there. it’s in a strategic place. no mortgage. it holds sooooo much promise in it, if only they will look closer. and i hope they do. argh! i may not know much but in this one, i suggest they rethink their decision. why not go for passive income instead? why would you settle for a few million pesos if you can create a system that can generate cashflow for as long as… oh i don’t know… for as long as the system holds i guess? one can easily spend a few hundred thousand pesos over a whim. say a new car, a new house maybe. some other thing that is no more than a liability. why not keep the house and make it an asset? i really really pray that she was listening to me. it seemed like she is changing her mind and heart about this. maybe not only because she is realizing what more the property could be but also because she knew the story behind the property… how it once was and how it evolved to what it is today. she knew what her parents had to go through… what they all had to go through as a family. ahhh! i know the perfect word… sentimental value. i think that’s more than enough to convince her not to sell the place. and i hope she really wouldn’t.

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hmmm… today, someone made me think about my coming to church. i just realized that i went to another church because it brought me closer to God. i’m not perfect. i still have my flaws but there is an understanding of God’s love deeper than what i had before. i guess that made all the difference. i don’t go to church anymore for the sake of saying that i went to church. i go to church now to know more about the one true lover of my soul.. and of course to worship Him. for me, it’s more of a personal choice now… i’m still human though… not a saint. but there is that realization of how badly i need a savior and that there is no way on earth that i could work my way towards salvation. that it is a gift that only God could give. that that exactly is the point of Jesus’ suffering on the cross. to save me. to save us. that we only have to believe in Him and proclaim Him as our savior. it’s by grace that we are saved and not through works lest anyone would boast. my heart and mind have been changed by God in ways more than one. He has given me everything that i need… even those that i asked for. i am eternally grateful to whatever or whoever led me to Him. what counts more is the heart i could only offer to God (mine, of course!). and that the relationship that i should take care of the most is the one i have with Him.

weird huh? i thought the whole afternoon was (hmmm what’s the word for it? peculiar? oh i know..) surreal. surreal in a good way. it just felt so unreal. he he!

and can you believe that i actually managed to wash my bedsheet and pillowcases already?! hahaha! sobrang tamad ko kasi. hays!… that’s the end of the weekend. and again… another monday. another manic monday. another TOXIC monday. he he he! i have to finish everything on monday. nakakahiya naman magendorse. tapos me and omma will see each other on wednesday pa. hahaha! salungat na sked. ankulit.

ayun… that’s it. ayy namirata pala ko ng songs galing sa pc ng ate ko. in feirnes! i got a bunch of new songs! wahahaha! well some old… pero marami akong nagustuhan. i need to sleep!!!! it’s twelve already and i have to wake up early. hopefully makarating ng maaga sa clinic. makakain ng maaga. at makapagstart ng maaga sa work. i have so many things to do at marami pa kong naiwang work last friday. hahaha! ayun… good night! good night my dear.

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i just realized that i know not much about myself. today, i found myself in a room with six other people. each of us were given a handout. in it were questions — probably meant to serve as a guide towards the discovery of an ultimate life dream. given an hour, i wasn’t really able to fill out the list of my strengths and weaknesses. i was able to enumerate the things that i enjoy doing (i thought that was the easiest part!). when asked about the happiest moments of my life, i could only name a few.

(after going over the pages again…)

hmmm… i just realized that i just really need some time to think. i am not the kind of person that has an immediate response to everything. sa madaling sabi, LOADING… matagal magreact. kailangan atang kuryentehin yung mga nerve cells ko para mastimulate. hehehe! i guess i’m wired this way. i’m going to think this over. i want to know myself more. i want to be aware of my strengths and weaknesses. i want to unleash God’s implanted potential in me. maybe it is just a matter of evaluating and re-evaluating again and again. not only so that i may be able to know myself more but also to challenge myself to be better.

ayan… it was a fun day actually. i cooked adobo twice today. hindi ko kasi kaya magluto ng isang bagsakan tapos marami. so ayun pinahirapan ko yung sarili ko at twice akong nagluto. sana nagustuhan nila. mukha naman. nakakatuwa si ebb, nakakaadik daw yung adobo. i’m really really happy to hear that. kahit sinabi nyang maalat nung una. sabagay favorite nya naman tlga kong asarin. di pa nasanay. i was also able to wash some of my clothes today. hehe! yun nga lang yung bedsheet ko! naman! ipapalaundry ko na tlga to! argh!!!!

ayun lang.. hehehe! good night my dear void!

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bwisit tong globe! may nreceive akong message kanina galing sa 2977. sabi sa pambihirang text:

“From Globe: May sweet BF or GF waiting 4 u! Dial *033021 for Virtual BF or *033022 for Virtual GF now! Save d no. and call daily! P5/call. NoFREEinfo?ReplySTOP”

sarap batukan nitong globe na to. kainis! hahaha!

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hays… weekend… weekend na naman… sana maging productive. haha! productive daw oh. nyahaha! asa pa ko. lagi naman akong petix ng weekend. on tues pupunta na kami ng prc. kasama ko si teshi!!! namimiss ko na sya grabeeeee!!! buti na lang may facebook hahaha! sarap din makapahinga naman. sobrang toxic nitong mga nakaraang araw. at xmpre dahil sobrang bait ko. lagi akong inuumaga kakainternet. ayan tuloy. puro kape. lagi tuloy akong kinakabahan! hahaha!

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hays… di na natigil yung issue ng scandal. yan kasi… matakot kayo sa internet hehehe! teka rephrase… matakot kayo sa kapangyarihan ng internet. the web is actually not a bad thing per se. it depends on how it is being used. pero ayan, kitang kita ung potential ng internet. hindi ka lang sa pilipinas maiiskandalo. kaya nga tinawag na worldwideweb e. ayan kaya we all have to be careful. tsktsk!

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i love kris. i’ve always loved kris. he’s just soooooo unbelievably nice. sooo charming. sooo hot. hehehe! sobrang saya ko naman para sa kanya! hahaha! i really like him. i really really do. i don’t even know what to say. i just really like him. sobrang saya ko!

…pero xmpre mahal ko pa rin si danny gokey. sobrang unbelievable yung boses nya. ang galing! wag lang tlga syang kakanta ng rock hahaha! sana magkaroon din sya ng album. hindi ako bibili. mamimirata lang. hehehe kidding! sobrang gusto ko yung compilation ng studio version nung mga kinanta nya sa show. amazing! gusto ko na ngang maiyak sa sobrang pagkaamaze dun sa version nya ng endless love e. haayss! nakakatouch.

hmmm… surprisingly wala ako mashadong posts lately. ayus lang. ayan kasi gusto ko pang malaman ang pakiramdam ng natotoxic. sinagot naman ni Lord yung prayers ko. kaya yan, sobrang busy! pero masaya naman. sobrang thank you cyberspace! kahit mga kabarkada ko abroad nakakausap ko pa. lugi nga lang ako kasi umaga sa kanila o kaya maaga pa tapos late na dito. pati si teshi nakausap ko na ulit! astig tlga. sobrang salamat sa facebook. hehehe! hirap palang maging busy parati. hahaha! hirap ng full ang sked. at mahirap ang four hours na tulog everyday. tsktsktsk! lagot ako nyan. baka ako naman ang magkasakit. nyahahaha!

haays! i dont even know what to ask for right now. sobrang nagpapasalamat lang ako sa lahat ng ibinibigay ni God ngayon. kahit di ko naman hinihingi dumarating pa rin. sarap. saya.

hayss. langya nakakailang buntong hininga na ko para sa isang post ah. siguro wala lang tlga kong masabi. ganon na ba tlga ka-unbelievable yung mga nangyayari sakin hahaha! bahala na nga. good night my dear.

pahabol sulat… mukhang matotoxic ako bukas sa pagddst. pero ayus lang. sana rin pala ok na si omma. papasok na xa bukas. sana ok na xa. at sana rin e makauwi ako ng maaga dahil kung hindi malilintikan ako ke byanong at sao hehehe! tinapos ko na yung mga supplies para di na yun issue bukas. puro medtech stuff nalang hehehe. kanina pala nagpunta ako ng rob. obviously wala akong kaalam-alam sa mga lugar sa rob. at mas lalong wala akong alam sa pagbili ng regalo. sarili ko nga hindi ko mapilian ng damit, tapos bibili pa ko para sa iba.. extra challenge tlga yun para sakin. i got a great gift though. sana kasya kay renzo. good night my dear void.
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nakakatamad ngayon. hays! kaya siguro kung ano anong naiisip ko. gusto kong umalis. dun sa malayo. wala akong gagawin kundi maupo. magenjoy. at uminom ng kape. bakit nga ba? e kahapon ko pang planong gawin yon. bakit hindi ko gawin di ba? natatamad ako dito sa bahay e. tska isa pa hanggang tanghali lang naman ako lalabas. mamayang hapon babalik na ulit ako dito sa bahay. saka ko gagawin yung mga bagay na ayokong gawin hahahahhaa! tama! maliligo na ko! waaaahhhh!!!

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happy birthday reigna!!!!!! miss na kita!!! kayo ni blessa! haaysss! antoxic naman kasi!!!!!!!!! hmp! hehehehe!

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nalulungkot naman ako. birthday nung kabarkada ko ngayon pero hindi sila pwede. kesho may duty. kesho may medical mission. parati na lang silang busy. hindi mahagilap pag ako ang nagyayaya. pero bigla bigla ko na lang nababalitaan na kung san saang lupalop na nakakarating. nakakatampo na minsan.

tapos eto pa. pag naiisip ko hindi lang naman sila e. pati iba kong kabarkada. kesho may trabaho. may ibang lakad. may gagawin. parati na lang may excuse. lagi na lang hindi pwede. lalo pag minsan na gusto ko tlgang umalis. haay naku!

tapos may mga nagpaparinig. umaaligid-aligid. pero wala ring nangyayari. hanggang dun lang yun. ano ba yun? o kaya yung mga magsasabi pag tapos na lahat. bakit pa?

pero alam mo ba kung anong naisip ko? prinsesa nga pala ako. siguro natatakot lang silang lahat na makihalubilo sakin. siguro naiilang lang sila. siguro hindi lang nila alam kung paano magiging sila sa harap ko. ngayon naiintindihan ko na. hindi naman ako masamang tao. ganun din naman sila. siguro mashado lang tlga malayo ang agwat ng mga mundo namin. na para sa isang prinsesang katulad ko.. at sa mga ordinaryong taong katulad nila… hindi naman imposible, pero mahirap. ngayon naiintindihan ko na. ang ganda ko. ang ganda ganda ko tlga! hahahahahahahaha!

fine. hindi na naman ako makatulog. there’s this thought hanging around my head.

i was out the whole afternoon today. and i went home late. i joined a group. did i ever made mention of that? well, i did. i received word that there would be a meeting today at lunchtime. i didn’t have anything to do so i agreed to go. there is this one property somewhere in laguna that the group is trying to manage. that was the agenda of the meeting. we discussed some things over lunch and then proceeded to seattle’s best (that java chip javakula thing is kind of growing on me) for a game of cashflow. and by cashflow i mean 101 and 202.

to be honest, everything is quite a blur for me still. there are a lot of things (FOR ME) to learn. i’m actually blessed to have joined this group because i have been learning a lot. i am forced to get out of my comfort zone. it’s fun but it is quite a challenge for me (since i’m antisocial). i guess that’s one of the hard things for me to do — socializing with other people and speaking what’s on my mind. i have my own ideas, concepts and opinions but i don’t usually verbalize them. plus i don’t really think i have a positive outlook in life. i don’t know. it’s just sooo me to be a pessimist. the “what if this or that happens?”, “what if i don’t get it right?”, “what if i don’t like it?” i think of all the things that could go wrong but not of the things that could go right. i have to dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s before doing something. i feel bad i guess because it’s just soooo hard for me not to think about all these things. although my mind is saying that i could learn from mistakes. (and i’m supposed to learn from them really). it’s just that my heart doesn’t get it. i have this fear inside that’s soooo consuming and paralyzing. nakakainis na minsan.

it’s a good thing that i’m in a group. i get to learn about the ideas of other people. i get to make suggestions (i mean, i really have to because i should take part in the activities). the (most-of-the-time) consuming fear is silenced by the positive thoughts and inputs of other group members. i get to meet a lot of people (the kind that encourages and supports). and i get to play cashflow for free!!! hahaha! take note 101 at 202 na cashflow to! nyahahaha! ayun lang, i have to face my own demons. i have to overcome this fear of failing. and it’s so true that our school system teaches us not to fail. i mean who wants failure right? but because of the presence of that fear of failure, we (i mean I) tend to just not do anything. we lean towards inaction. i lean towards inaction. i have tried so many times and sometimes when i don’t see results right away, i give up on it. especially if there is not much intention or inspiration or guidance even. i just stop. let it go. and say that “it’s not for me.” i have said that phrase one too many times and i’m getting sick of it. being in a group is more motivating because other people are going through the same process with me, experiencing the same events, giving me more and more hope when i think of just giving up. it’s like being in it together. no matter what anybody tells me, i am assured that there are people who is thinking the same way i am thinking. i don’t feel alone and it feels great. it just does.

the more i’m thinking about this is the more i realize that the learning for me is not merely about financial literacy. it’s as if God is renewing my outlook in life. and i know it’s going to be great. the things i’m learning right now is more on the matters of the heart and not the head. i’m learning a lot about handling my finances. yea, that’s true but for me the thing that’s making more impact on me right now is the ones i don’t know how to measure or describe even. it’s more about my emotions, my way of thinking and relating to other people, the very core values that defines my choices… things which are intangible. i think it’s really great that things are going for me this way right now. i think i need to understand and conquer my fears first. i need to understand myself more and more. and that’s exactly happening to me right now. while of course, learning about finances. good thing right?

haays! God please please please bless this group. so that we may be able to help other people too.

ayan ah, nagkwento na ko. siguro naman makakatulog na ko ng maayos. hehehe! good night my dear void.

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