About A Girl

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cancelled na naman ang divi adventures ko. pa’no kasi may kainan sa lab kanina. xmpre sasama ako! hahaha! nagdonate din ako dun nu, alangan namang hindi ako kumain!

alas singko. umalis na kami ng lab. nantrip tas pumasok sa pagcor. kunyari naghahanap ng ticket dun sa parang circus. (sorry nakalimutan ko yung tawag, hehehe!). ganun palang itsura sa loob. now i know… hmmm… gusto kong makakita ng totoong poker table. yun nga lang sana libre yung poker chips hehehe!

dumaan kami ng times plaza kasama si ate jo kasi naghahanap sila ng id lace. tapos nung nakabili na sila, uwian na. gaya ng parati naman naming ginagawa, umakyat kami ni teacher papuntang LRT. pumila pa kami tapos yung babaeng guard e sumigaw ng “code yellow! code yellow!” hello! na parang alam namin kung anong ibig sabihin ng code yellow!!!!!!! nung napansin nyang hindi sya naiintindihan ng mga tao, sinabi nyang “stop operation! stop operation!”

since parang ayaw na nilang magpapasok kasi nga code yellow sila, nagjeep na lang kami. nagbayad hanggang rotonda pero bumaba ng quirino. naririnig kasi naming tumatakbo na ulit yung LRT. pero dahil sobrang swerte namin ni teacher, pag dating namin ng quirino station lumagpas yung isang tren na hindi kami nakasakay. nun namang nakasakay na kami, saka naman inatake ng code yellow tong LRT!

after 45 minutes, saka ako nakababa sa buendia. si teacher… derecho ang byahe. napadaan ako dun sa may ukay-ukay sa ilalim ng LRT station. kala ko kasi kasya sakin yung paldang itim na nasa bukana nung tindahan. e tutal nandun na ko, nag-treasure hunt na rin ako. nakakita naman ako ng dalawang damit na gusto ko. mahal nga lang para sa damit na galing wag-wagan kasi 250 yung dalawang damit. e sabi nung kapatid ko meron tatlo isandaan na ukay-ukay.

nung nakarating ako sa sakayan, ahas na yung pila. buti na lang hindi ako tinotopak ngayon, may pera pa naman akong dala. baka pag nagkataon e mapatambay na naman ako sa vito cruz. buti na lang natatakot ako sa epidemya. pinili ko na lang na magpakahealthy at bumili ng coke na may kasamang nova. 25 pesos lang.

alas-ocho na ata nung may nakasakay ako ng bus. sa dami ng tao sa terminal, naka-anim na bus pa akong hinintay bago nakasakay. ayos lang kako, matino naman yung katabi ko at de-aircon naman yung bus. mano nang trapik. libre naman matulog sa bus.

di ko na alam kung anong oras na ko nakauwi. pasado alas nuebe na rin siguro. kung tutuusin, maaga pa ako kesa sa ibang araw kong pag-uwi. yun nga lang katakot takot na perwisho naman yung dinaanan ko bago nakarating ng bahay.

tapos laro ulit. tapos bukas sabado na. nawa’y maging productive naman ako. magising sana ng maaga para matuloy na yung divi adventures ko. pag natuloy ako at hindi umuulan ng lunes, ipapasyal ko naman sa maynila yung camera kong maganda. makasilay man lang ng araw. makakuha man lang ng sunset sa baywalk. sayang wala na yung dating baywalk. nakakaasar tuloy. nakufo! kapag hindi, e di lunes ako mamimili, problema ba yon.

nilalait ni zombie yung transformers. may galit ata tong zombie na to. hehehehe! ayan parang ayoko na tuloy manood! at ayoko pa munang basahin yung blog nya tungkol dun (kung meron na… kasi naman yung pinakita nyang draft… parang test paper ko sa virology… walang laman! hahaha! ayy meron pala, tatatlong piraso!). basta manonood pa rin ako!! hmmm sino kayang mayaya? zombie! nood ka ulit! libre kita? hahahaha!

hays… bukas sabado. tapos linggo. tapos july na. tapos december. tapos 2010 na. ano na kayang mangyayari? yoko nang isipin. nakakabaliw yun. yoko na rin magplano ng sobra sobra. nakakabaliw din yun. enjoy enjoy na lang muna. saka na lang ako tatanda.

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laro na ulit. paganahin ang subconscious!

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good girl na. kaya matutulog na ko. may dapat bang iblog? wala! hehehehe!

aww.. nahuli pala ko nung oic naming hindi naka-id! wala na kong pera pagbabayarin pa ko ng pipty petots! buti na lang sweldo bukas. pwede bang ibawas na lang sa sweldo? hehehehe!

ayoko nang maglaro!!! hindi na talaga! good girl na ko. last game na, i swear!

good night. :-*

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“not as we,” sabi nga ni alanis morissette.

kelangan ko na maghanap ng bagong theme song hahahaha! aww, meron pala! yung ost ng 100. akalain mong bumili ako ng dvd nun (obviously di ko gawain bumili ng cd, much more ng dvds kasi pirata… bad pirate pala.. ako). i looooove that movie! sayang hindi sya yung nanalo last year sa cinemalaya. anyway, viewer’s choice naman sya kaya ayus lang din. speaking of cinemalaya, next month cinemalaya na. it’s funny how one event can make you wait for the coming years. at mas nakakatuwa na marami nang sumusuporta at nakakaappreciate sa mga indie kumpara dati. tara! cinemalaya tayo! Jo jo! namimiss na kita! hahaha! xmpre tuwing cinemalaya at pasinaya lang tayo nagkikita! di bale reserved naman tlga tong date na to for you. see you soon! as in this weekend? hehehe!

pero bago ang cinemalaya, pwede bang transformers muna?! hahahaha! i’m sooooo excited na!!! siguradong more than once ko mapapanood yun. xmpre bukod sa barkada, manonood kami ni jeds. sana ilibre nya ko ulit! wahahaha! tska malapit na rin yung up ng pixar ata. tska yung proposal ni bullock at reynolds. waaah!!! love na love ko pa naman si ryan reynolds. nyahahaha!

walang pasok ngayon. araw ng maynila kasi. tapos sabi nila may bagyo DAW. wala pa rin yung bagyo 11pm na. hehehe! late sya? sana wag na lang dumating. mastranded somewhere. kawawa naman bukas sa collection pag ganun. antoxic pa man din kasi ang sikip na sa fourth. ininvade na ng itd yung reception area dati. natrap pa yung ref dun sa room nila. kahiyaan naman pumasok dun. hays! ibig bang sabihin non makikiref ako sa lalagyan ng LJ. nakufo! ayoko nga! iinom na lang ako ng di malamig na tubig! hahahaha!

wala akong pasok pero wala rin akong ginawa sa bahay. sleep all day mode. pano kasi lagi na lang ako kulang sa tulog. fine! kasalanan ko rin naman kung bakit nangyayari yun hahahaha! sobrang naaadik na ko sa blitz. tapos ngayon sasamahan pa ng typing maniac! shet! baka di na ko makatulog nyan!

ang saya! nasabi ko bang dumating na si jen sa pinas? at si lucy aalis… booooo! hehehe! at si achuk darating din. sana nga hindi maulan pag umuwi sa achuk para naman matuloy na yung drawing na lakad papuntang tagaytay. maraming nakakamiss. maraming aalis. but you know what’s funny? kahit na san makarating yung barkada, parang ganun pa rin kapag nagkikita-kita. tipong kilala mo pa rin sila at kilala ka pa rin nila. na parang walang nangyari. na parang kahapon lang nung huli kayong nagkita. na kung san mang lupalop sila makakarating, meron pa ring lugar para sayo. ang sarap ng ganun. kahit matagal mong hindi makasama, barkada pa rin. siguro kasi sabay-sabay kaming lumaki. ano pa’t nag-aral lang kami sa isang school mula nursery hanggang HS. hahahah! yun siguro yun.

hays! matutulog na ko. umaga na rin ata. hahaha! sana di mabagyo bukas. sira na yung payong ko!!!!!!! waaaahhh!!!! good night!

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Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I’m barely making sense
For now I’m faking it
‘Til I’m pseudo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as “I”
And not as “we”

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hays. di ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko. o kung anong dapat kong maramdaman. nakakalito na. at marami pa kong nakatenggang tanong. kelangan ko ng tahimik na lugar para marinig ko naman si Lord. it’s about time na makinig naman ako sa kanya. i would be giving up so much. siguro. pero kung sanity at freedom ang kapalit nun, ayus lang siguro. iba lang tlga siguro ako. di ako tipikal. may sariling oras. may sariling isip. may sariling gusto. may sariling mundo.

. good night dear void. sobrang namimiss na kita.

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wahhay! buti na lang inintay ko si teacher pag-uwi kanina. happy na ko! hahaha! siguro tama sya. nandito pa ko kasi kuntento na ko dito sa pinas. tama! hehehe!

moving on… hays antagal ng sweldo. di tuloy ako makapanood ng sine! badtrip! mawawala na sa sinehan yung night at the museum. tapos may duplicity pa. hays!

nanood pala ko nung he’s just not that into you. hmm yun nga ba yung title? i must admit, nakatulog ako the first time. pero kasi naman sa kwarto ako nanonood no! comfy bed. comfy pillows. lamig pa last night. panong hindi ako makakatulog?! tapos yun kanina naman nung nagising ako ng madaling-araw tinuloy ko yung panonood. comment? hmmm ayus lang. i mean what do i know about those things? nyahaha! kidding. the movie knocked me off to sleep! hello! ano pang ibig sabihin non?! hehehe! i only liked it because of the guy that said… “you are my exception.” yea, that cheesy greasy line. i saw him before in another movie, (man! i can’t even remember the title! i loved that movie so much! how can i not remember?! bibili na tlaga ko ng gingko biloba, i swear!), where they were rejects of colleges so they started their own college.

….. after extensive research he he he…

okay. so his name is justin long. that guy i was talking about. i first saw him in the movie accepted (2006). i love that movie! ewan ko ba! he he! nasa Zack and Miri make a porno pala sya. i wanted to watch that movie. kaso wala akong makitang copy. he he! hays… going back to the movie (he’s just not that… damn that long title!), these are some of the lines i liked..

Gigi: We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you.

………

Gigi: [opens the door, thinking it's Bill] Did you forget something?
Alex: Yeah…
Gigi: Really? What did you forget?
Alex: [pulls out a promotional pen from his pocket] This.
Gigi: So you came all the way here at 11 o’ clock in the night to give me a promotional pen?
Alex: Yeah… Yeah, I did. I thought I would come up with some really great excuse to get over here. That’s how it’s done, right?
Gigi: [smiles] Sometimes.
Alex: Look, I can’t stop thinking about you. I… It’s a problem. I drive by your place; I call and hang up; I’ve turned into…
Gigi: Me.
Alex: Yeah.
Gigi: A wise person once told me that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what.
Alex: That’s true.
Gigi: But when I was hurling my body onto yours, you did not seem to want to make it happen.
Alex: Okay, yeah, here’s the thing about that… You were right. I’d gotten so used to keeping myself at a safe distance from all these women and having the power that, that I didn’t know what it felt like when I actually fell for one of them… I didn’t know.
Gigi: Look, I just went out with your friend Bill. He might be just exactly what I need. No drama, he calls; he does what he says…
Alex: [stepping closer] I can do that stuff too…
Gigi: But you didn’t! And that same wise person told me that I’m the rule. That I have to stop thinking that every guy will change, that I have to stop thinking that…
Gigi: [Alex kisses her]
[smiles]
Gigi: … I’m the exception…
Alex: [whispers] You are *my* exception.
[they kiss again]

……….

Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment… you never gave up hope.

…… and here’s to not giving up hope. night dear void! (hahah! aga pa para sabihin ko yun!)

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i am starting to hate myself right now. the thing is i just got news from my bestfriend that she received her visa for canada already. i mean i know sooner or later she’s gonna go away but i never expected it this soon. i’m happy for her though there is this selfish part of me that just doesn’t want her to go. sabagay what difference does it make? we don’t even see each other even if she’s here.

i hate myself!!!! nakakabwisit! am i that stupid to not think of career growth?! lahat sila umalis na. e ako na lang ang naiiwan dito ah! anong ginagawa ko sa buhay ko!!!!! tangina!!!! arrrrggghhhhh!!!!!!!! wala na ba tlgang mangyayari sa kin? hanggang dito na lang? bat di ko man lang maisip magabroad? bat di ko man lang magustuhan yung idea na magabroad? o dapat ko ba tlgang gawin yun? ano namang mapapala ko kung pupunta ko kung san mang lupalop! tangina!!! eto na naman!!! parati na lang… pag may umaalis! pang ilan na ba to?! when would i be calloused enough not to feel anything pag alam kong may aalis?! the hard part when you know everybody else is moving on is feeling that you are stuck… left somewhere between nowhere and goodbye. and that with you there is just nothing going on. that you’re stuck with everything else that’s old. and you hold on to whatever pieces are left behind. you just hold on insanely to memories and promises hoping that someone would come back. or at least even remember. and it hurts more to have to show how excited you are. or how happy you are. it’s been three fucking long years already! how long must i wait?! kailan ko pa malalaman kung anong dapat kong gawin? o kung bakit pa ako nandito? o kung dapat na ba kong umalis.. even if you want to be hopeful about your life because that’s the right thing to do or to say, you just don’t feel that way. and you think everything’s screwed up. and that you screwed up. and everybody’s left you. then tomorrow you have to wake up. dry your eyes and pretend that you got your shit together for another day. and you will smile like you have always been happy and pretend that nothing hurtful is going on inside. though you’re dying or whatever stupid thing you feel inside. you just have to hide that all away. don’t let anyone else see. don’t let anyone notice. because you have to stand by your choices. because you said you wanted to stay. the thing is.. i’m heartbroken. again and again and again and again and again. and it will always be this way as another one makes a promise to never forget, as another one promises to keep in touch and as another one promises to come back. and after a while you will realize that you are going to be just fine. that every piece will come together again. and that you are making the right choice to stay. and that someone would be worth that decision. and that someone would never ever leave. hay naku!!! antidepressant nga jan!!!

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nastranded ako kanina…. sa starbucks! hahaha!

dapat sa bayview ako pupunta. e kaso naman maulan. tska medyo late na rin. kaya naisip kong uuwi na lang ako. tutal naman balak ko rin pumunta dun ng friday. kasi may aroma seminar sila. “DAW.” yun nga lang kanina pag dating ko sa buendia. WALANG BUS! ANG HABA NG PILA! AT MALAKAS ANG ULAN! e naasar pa ko kasi hindi ko malaman kung nasan yung dulo ng pila. umalis na lang ako. at dahil wala na kong barya, nagLRT na lang ako papunta lang ng vito cruz! nyah! tapos pumunta ako dun sa may ocampo na starbucks. e kaso maraming tao. tagal ko pang tumambay dun bago ko naisip pumunta dun sa starbucks na katapat ng dlsu. buti na lang may upuan. dahil kung hindi… tsktsk! kawawa tlga ko! dun ko ginawa yung about us page na artik… na hindi ko rin natapos kasi blangkong blangko na yung blangko kong utak.

8pm na ata ako umalis don. hoping na wala nang pila sa buendia. magtatagal pa sana ko don kaso sira yung CR nila! hello! kape kaya yung iniinom ng mga tao dun! tapos out of order CR nila?! he he! so ayun, bumalik na ko ng buendia. nung dumating ako. ganun pa rin… minus ulan. ayos lang kako. darating na yung maraming maraming bus. hindi na ko pumila. umupo na lang ako dun sa may tambayan dun. naghintay maubos yung ahas na linya. thank you Lord sa IPOD! narealize ko lang na hindi ko kailangan magworry. God provides. and when He does, sobrang siksik liglig umaapaw. all i have to do is wait. napakaeffortless di ba? maghihintay ka lang. nung umalis yung bus na sinasakyan ko sa terminal, may limang bus pa na naghihintay ng pasahero.

bumalik na nga pala si mam tek sa clinic. yun nga lang si ate joy naman malapit nang magleave. two months din yun. hays!

at dahil sobrang pagod nako.. maaga akong matutulog he he he! time check… 11:30pm. good night dear void. :-*

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im officially friends with mr. noname. nakakatawa na nakikita ko syang online. o nagpopost ng kung anong nasa isip nya. we’re in the same network now. but that’s that. how could there be more? natutuwa lang tlga ako na nakikita ko sya. sayang di ko pa masabi kay blessa hahaha! hays! can’t wait to see her again. para makatambay ako sa uste. nakakamiss… nakakamiss lahat. college. yung main building. yung cen lib. yung malamok na botanical garden. yung rooftop ng main. yung antonio. yung jabi sa asturias. yung dorm. yung buhay college. yung mr. noname. yung barkada. nyaiks! alas dose na nagsesenti pa!

natutuwa lang tlga ko pramis hahaha!

hays! toxic bukas (este mamaya) kaya matutulog na ko! besides may madugong artik pa kong isusulat bukas. naku! di ako pwedeng umuwi ng wala yon! syempre magsusulat pa lang ako kung kelan namang deadline na! hahaha! akong ako tlaga! hindi alam kung anong ibig sabihin ng deadline. sana lang tlga wag umulan bukas para makapagstay ako ng manila til late.

nagpalit na ko ng bag! ginagamit ko ng ung gift saken. syempre baka magtampo yun nagbigay. he he! sooo cute! tska hindi na ko nagdadala ng wallet. pano may nahold-up akong kasama sa work. toxic din yun pag nawala mga cards. isa pa nagdadala na lang ako ng mejo saktong money. para di na ko masyadong mapagastos. at least wala yung malawakang pagssplurge. konti konti na lang. gaya kanina! nayaya lang akong magsundae, bumili naman ako. tapos squid balls. which tastes soooooo great! argh!! sarap hahaha! namimiss ko tuloy si ate she. awww,.. at sympre pag may squid balls… may coke
good night my dear. hopefully everything turns out great for ryp. sana tlga Lord.

nytnyt!